Post by MrsDeweySmith on Jul 10, 2005 11:50:31 GMT -5
Practical Suggestions for Balancing Your Martha and Mary Tendencies
There are many pages of helps in this area all over the internet and in good books. Your problem is to pull it all together and create a well-rounded, balanced way to live.
The very best instruction in this area can be found in God's holy Word. Proverbs are a good place to start. After you have convinced yourself that it is essential that you have a time for bible study and a time for work, then you can start to mold your day around that.
In scripture we can see that it is a common practice to rise early, when the sun is just rising, to praise, worship and seek God's face. Your day may be different in it's scope from other's, so early morning may not be the ideal time for you to have a time with God. You must find a time though. It could be at children's naptime, or after dinner when your husband may be willing to visit and play with the children so that you can have time with the Lord. But you absolutely must determine to find time to be alone with God and read His Word, daily. Susannah Wesely was so determined to have a time with the Lord and she had a husband who would not co-operate with her in it. She trained her children to be quiet. And she trained them to leave her alone when she pulled her apron over her head to be with the Lord in the midst of her 19 homeschooled children!
You can meditate on God's Word throughout the day by writing down a portion of scripture and placing it in places where you will be sure to see it like the bathroom mirror, above the kitchen sink and over the washing machine. This is the best way I have found to memorize scripture when I am on the run. But this is not studying God's Word. And contrary to the opinion of many, you cannot have a vital relationship with ANYONE if you are constantly running while you are trying to talk with them or listen to them! You must stop to have a quiet time with the Lord.
Perhaps the reason why it is so difficult to do what most of us know that we should be doing, (praying and communing with God, studying His Word, then tackling our day,) is that we care so very much what other people think about us and our home.
Granted, our home is a reflection of our personalities. And I do not believe that my home adequately relfects the true me most of the time. However, if we buckle under to pressure coming from outside our husband's authority, we are in for big problems.
One of the most helpful things you can do for your marriage and home is to sit down with your husband and talk about what he expects from you and how you can acheive it.
Men like to have facts. They are usually interested in how you feel about something, but they don't normally know what to do about a situation until you give them some facts to go on. You must find a time or create a time to be alone with him and ask important questions.
Here are some questions to ask him. The answers to these questions will help you to know how to adjust your schedule and your daily goals.
What does a clean house mean to you? Check all that apply
a. Spotless kitchen, uncluttered house
b. Nothing in the sink
c. A path to the bathroom
d. A clean living room e. Other_____________
What is a good meal? Check all that apply
a. Meat, potatoes every night
b. Pizza sometimes
c. Sandwiches and soup some nights
d. Open the frig and eat whatever falls out.
Rank these things in order of importance :
A clean home
Attractive, relaxed, well dressed wife
Time spent with children
Time spent ministering to others (bible study, cooking, etc)
Homeschooling
Spending personal time with each child
While your husband is taking this quiz, take it yourself and answer the way you THINK he will answer. Then compare answers. The answers to these questions will help you to see exactly what your husband wants and what you think he wants.... Then you can begin to draw the two together into a do-able plan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another reason for not studying God's Word and reading it daily must be stated here. It is a very serious thought indeed. Jesus says that if we love Him, we will obey Him. And if we obey, we know that we will be communicating with Him, supporting His church, and obeying Him in every way.
We must examine ourselves to see what lies within our hearts....do we love Him enough to obey Him in a daily time of devotion and reading of His Word?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is very helpful to have a list of daily tasks that you must do. Each day when the task is completed, check it off and move on to the next one. This gives you a feeling of accomplishment and helps you to keep your mind on what you have to do each day.
It is also very helpful to have weekly and monthly tasks. Some go so far as to have a tentative yearly schedule for big events like a sewing week, vacation, field trip, family gathering or mission trip. Baby years are a challenge but can be tamed by having a scheduled cooking day where helpers come and cook a month's worth of meals for the freezer, and by having good books, art supplies and videos ready for the other children..
You will probably find that after a few months on a tight schedule you can begin to relax a bit and still get all your daily chores accomplished. It is the discipline of daily work that we are usually missing in our lives. We live in a society that has taught us to live for today and for ourselves. It is difficult therefore to change old patterns of thinking, especially when we are not aware that we are thinking in these ways, until we see them emerge in a messy house or neglected bible study.
Here is a sample of a schedule for a mother of 6 homeschooled children ages 3 months through 12 years. It may help you to get ideas of how you can schedule a better day for your family.
5 am.....Mother rises and gets cleaned up and ready for the day. With a small nursing infant, Mother may have to wait to get up until baby is asleep again after the early morning feeding....or she may have to take an awake baby with her to the bathroom!
5:30-6 am.....Mother's time with the Lord, reading His Word and praying. This is a good time to nurse the baby.
6 am - Breakfast begins - Usually Dad arises at a regular hour each morning. Mother can adjust her schedule to fit his in regards to breakfast. Mother and Dad have breakfast together and pray to begin the day.
7 am.....Children arise, put on clothes and make beds. They have breakfast and clean up the dishes. Mother usually puts a load of laundry in, puts something for lunch onto cook, or at least plans for lunch, and finishes up tidying the kitchen.
8 am.....School begins for older children, but the younger ones can color, have art projects and have play time.
11 am.....Mother prepares lunch.
12:30.....Lunch is over, clean up and chore time for children and Mother. Small children may have different nap time schedules that you will have to take into consideration.
1:30 or 2:00 pm.....Chores are completed, older children have more school, younger ones nap or rest and read or look at picture books.
2 pm.....school is usually finished by this time, extra chores done and play time/personal free time for children. Mother continues her daily chores, reads to children etc.
4 pm.....By this time Mother has completed the bulk of her daily chores and begins to prepare dinner. This of course depends on what time her family usually eats their evening meal. Often, a 20 or 30 minute clean-up time where she and the children participate together to tidy up and clean the house is helpful at this time as the house does tend to get cluttered with school and play activites. Having the house clean and orderly when Dad arrives is a great help to having a quiet and peaceful evening meal.
Whatever your plans may be to improve your home life, remember to devote them to the Lord. Allow Him to direct your plans and then follow through with them working at each part of the plan as if you were doing for God Himself.....because that is exactly Who you are doing it for. God's Word tells us plainly that we are to serve our husbands as their helper and that we are to do for him ....as unto the Lord. We are reminded in His Word that we are do do everything we put our hand to, as if we are doing it for the Lord himself.
There are many pages of helps in this area all over the internet and in good books. Your problem is to pull it all together and create a well-rounded, balanced way to live.
The very best instruction in this area can be found in God's holy Word. Proverbs are a good place to start. After you have convinced yourself that it is essential that you have a time for bible study and a time for work, then you can start to mold your day around that.
In scripture we can see that it is a common practice to rise early, when the sun is just rising, to praise, worship and seek God's face. Your day may be different in it's scope from other's, so early morning may not be the ideal time for you to have a time with God. You must find a time though. It could be at children's naptime, or after dinner when your husband may be willing to visit and play with the children so that you can have time with the Lord. But you absolutely must determine to find time to be alone with God and read His Word, daily. Susannah Wesely was so determined to have a time with the Lord and she had a husband who would not co-operate with her in it. She trained her children to be quiet. And she trained them to leave her alone when she pulled her apron over her head to be with the Lord in the midst of her 19 homeschooled children!
You can meditate on God's Word throughout the day by writing down a portion of scripture and placing it in places where you will be sure to see it like the bathroom mirror, above the kitchen sink and over the washing machine. This is the best way I have found to memorize scripture when I am on the run. But this is not studying God's Word. And contrary to the opinion of many, you cannot have a vital relationship with ANYONE if you are constantly running while you are trying to talk with them or listen to them! You must stop to have a quiet time with the Lord.
Perhaps the reason why it is so difficult to do what most of us know that we should be doing, (praying and communing with God, studying His Word, then tackling our day,) is that we care so very much what other people think about us and our home.
Granted, our home is a reflection of our personalities. And I do not believe that my home adequately relfects the true me most of the time. However, if we buckle under to pressure coming from outside our husband's authority, we are in for big problems.
One of the most helpful things you can do for your marriage and home is to sit down with your husband and talk about what he expects from you and how you can acheive it.
Men like to have facts. They are usually interested in how you feel about something, but they don't normally know what to do about a situation until you give them some facts to go on. You must find a time or create a time to be alone with him and ask important questions.
Here are some questions to ask him. The answers to these questions will help you to know how to adjust your schedule and your daily goals.
What does a clean house mean to you? Check all that apply
a. Spotless kitchen, uncluttered house
b. Nothing in the sink
c. A path to the bathroom
d. A clean living room e. Other_____________
What is a good meal? Check all that apply
a. Meat, potatoes every night
b. Pizza sometimes
c. Sandwiches and soup some nights
d. Open the frig and eat whatever falls out.
Rank these things in order of importance :
A clean home
Attractive, relaxed, well dressed wife
Time spent with children
Time spent ministering to others (bible study, cooking, etc)
Homeschooling
Spending personal time with each child
While your husband is taking this quiz, take it yourself and answer the way you THINK he will answer. Then compare answers. The answers to these questions will help you to see exactly what your husband wants and what you think he wants.... Then you can begin to draw the two together into a do-able plan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another reason for not studying God's Word and reading it daily must be stated here. It is a very serious thought indeed. Jesus says that if we love Him, we will obey Him. And if we obey, we know that we will be communicating with Him, supporting His church, and obeying Him in every way.
We must examine ourselves to see what lies within our hearts....do we love Him enough to obey Him in a daily time of devotion and reading of His Word?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is very helpful to have a list of daily tasks that you must do. Each day when the task is completed, check it off and move on to the next one. This gives you a feeling of accomplishment and helps you to keep your mind on what you have to do each day.
It is also very helpful to have weekly and monthly tasks. Some go so far as to have a tentative yearly schedule for big events like a sewing week, vacation, field trip, family gathering or mission trip. Baby years are a challenge but can be tamed by having a scheduled cooking day where helpers come and cook a month's worth of meals for the freezer, and by having good books, art supplies and videos ready for the other children..
You will probably find that after a few months on a tight schedule you can begin to relax a bit and still get all your daily chores accomplished. It is the discipline of daily work that we are usually missing in our lives. We live in a society that has taught us to live for today and for ourselves. It is difficult therefore to change old patterns of thinking, especially when we are not aware that we are thinking in these ways, until we see them emerge in a messy house or neglected bible study.
Here is a sample of a schedule for a mother of 6 homeschooled children ages 3 months through 12 years. It may help you to get ideas of how you can schedule a better day for your family.
5 am.....Mother rises and gets cleaned up and ready for the day. With a small nursing infant, Mother may have to wait to get up until baby is asleep again after the early morning feeding....or she may have to take an awake baby with her to the bathroom!
5:30-6 am.....Mother's time with the Lord, reading His Word and praying. This is a good time to nurse the baby.
6 am - Breakfast begins - Usually Dad arises at a regular hour each morning. Mother can adjust her schedule to fit his in regards to breakfast. Mother and Dad have breakfast together and pray to begin the day.
7 am.....Children arise, put on clothes and make beds. They have breakfast and clean up the dishes. Mother usually puts a load of laundry in, puts something for lunch onto cook, or at least plans for lunch, and finishes up tidying the kitchen.
8 am.....School begins for older children, but the younger ones can color, have art projects and have play time.
11 am.....Mother prepares lunch.
12:30.....Lunch is over, clean up and chore time for children and Mother. Small children may have different nap time schedules that you will have to take into consideration.
1:30 or 2:00 pm.....Chores are completed, older children have more school, younger ones nap or rest and read or look at picture books.
2 pm.....school is usually finished by this time, extra chores done and play time/personal free time for children. Mother continues her daily chores, reads to children etc.
4 pm.....By this time Mother has completed the bulk of her daily chores and begins to prepare dinner. This of course depends on what time her family usually eats their evening meal. Often, a 20 or 30 minute clean-up time where she and the children participate together to tidy up and clean the house is helpful at this time as the house does tend to get cluttered with school and play activites. Having the house clean and orderly when Dad arrives is a great help to having a quiet and peaceful evening meal.
Whatever your plans may be to improve your home life, remember to devote them to the Lord. Allow Him to direct your plans and then follow through with them working at each part of the plan as if you were doing for God Himself.....because that is exactly Who you are doing it for. God's Word tells us plainly that we are to serve our husbands as their helper and that we are to do for him ....as unto the Lord. We are reminded in His Word that we are do do everything we put our hand to, as if we are doing it for the Lord himself.