What's the right way to talk to your husband?

[hollydawnr]

I'm a member of this board and a couple of other conservative Christian boards, most of which are primarily for women. It seems that I am constantly encountering one theme that runs through everything: "I want to _________, but my husband won't let me/won't like it."

When you see a thread on modest clothing, wearing headcoverings, or wearing dresses only, there is almost always at least ONE woman (sometimes more) who respond that they wish they could wear _______, but either their husband flat-out says no, or else their husband expresses his disapproval in other ways. They are left with the choice between following their husband's instructions or following God's orders. Generally, they choose to follow their husbands (see the praise of Sarah in I Peter), and I think that's probably the best idea.

I've seen threads on TV, and it's almost entirely consistent: The women want to get rid of the TV, and the men don't.

I've seen threads on the spiritual growth of the family. Pick your topic: The women want to attend church three times a week and the men complain about wanting to sleep in or do something else and don't seem to want to attend even once a week. The women wish their husbands would lead family devotionals in the evening. The women wish their husbands would do a Bible study with them, or a prayer challenge, but their husbands react angrily when a simple request is made.

Now in most of these cases, the advice given to the women is simple: "Sit down. Shut up. Pray." Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that advice. But I guess I just have way too much sympathy for these women.

My husband echoes that advice, and I pointed out to him that I know a lot of these women are waking up in the middle of the night to pray and cry because they feel like their husbands don't care enough about them to even allow them to follow God's directives. They cry in the middle of the night because they don't want their husbands to know how deeply they are hurting because of this. It's not uncommon to hear a woman who's been praying for the same thing (a change in her husband) for 20+ years and has yet to be answered. My husband says that if she's still worrying about it after her husband has made his decision, she is not submitting to him in her heart, and that's her fault because if she really wanted to submit to him, she could. (I disagree, incidentally--I think it indicates a lack of trust since she feels like her husband doesn't care enough about her to protect her from the dangers of such things. How can you submit to someone you can't trust? And how can you trust someone who has repeatedly put you in danger?)

Anyways, it got me to thinking... I don't know if many husbands even realize that their wives are feeling this way. As I said, I know that many of them take great pains to do it secretly.

Is it EVER appropriate to talk to your husband? If so, how should you do it?

My husband is sitting in the living room right now watching Beavis & Butthead. He knows I don't like it (which is why I'm in the other room with the door shut), but he refuses to turn the TV off (or at least change the channel). When he calls me into the living room to watch South Park with him, I feel like I have no choice but to go, even though I despise the show. I have to fight back tears while I'm forced to sit through it, because I've been taught by older women that there's nothing I can do but pray. The worst thing is that then I end up sitting there getting angry--not only at my husband, but at God! I start wondering what is wrong with me that my husband and my God refuse to protect me from that evil filth.

I don't think that submitting from the heart is just a matter of willpower. I do all the outward stuff--the outward acts of submission--but inside my heart breaks every time he asks me to put on a pair of jeans, a short skirt, or a swimsuit--every time he asks me to watch South Park or look at an obscene video he got in his e-mail that he thinks is funny. I do all the right things, but my heart isn't in the right place, no matter how much I pray and plead. How can I trust someone that doesn't seem to care how I feel or what happens to me?

Okay, so that's a personal matter, and I apologize for going off on that tangent. But my original question is actually more general:

1. For the men: Is there a right way to talk to your husband about something that you feel he's doing wrong? If so, how do you do it? In other words, as a man, how would YOU like to be addressed by your wife?

2. For the women: Is there any comfort or consolation to be had when you feel so torn between following your husband (as commanded in the Bible) and following all the OTHER commandments of the Bible? Is it possible to submit in your heart when you feel betrayed and hurt? If so, how?

[Brother Ben]

Here is a good post.

coveredbaptists.proboards31.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=reflections&thread=1141772208&page=1

[benshelpmeet]

Dearest Holly,

Thank you for sharing your heart on this post. I know it's hard and a quick pat answer is not at hand. I will be praying and I will post on this topic of your soon. Please be patient.

I am praying for you and others I know of dear sister. We need to pray for one another, that we can be the wife, and christian the Lord would have us be, and for the Lord to give us much love and wisdom when dealing with, or praying for our dear husbands.

May the Lord greatly bless you dear sister as you seek to walk with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Much love, ~ Darlene ~

[Rejoiceevermore]

Dear Holly,

Sometimes we think we are holier then our husbands. We think we know more then they do and can lead better our families then they are, but most of the time it's a devils lie. Let's not talk about our husbands who they are and what they do wrong lets ask our selves are we as wifes doing and being what we ought to do and be. Do we obey God as we ought to obey? Are we being faithful in little things? Are we obeying our husbands as we should (except ofcource if he makes you do immoral things)? Do we love our children as Bible teaches us to love? How much time do we spend with the Lord? How much time do we spend with our family? Do we meditate on his precious Word? How much do we give of ourselves to our families? How much do we pray for our husbands? If our husbands are truly bad then our knees should be swollen and floor should be wet from our tears weaping before the Lord day and night? If we spend more time talking on the phone then to God then how can we be right? If we spend more time talking on the internet then talking to God how can we call our selves righteous? Headcovering, wearing dresses, long hair are one of many issues that should be important to a christian lady. We need to start from our heart. We need to get in to the Word of God and get right with God and then God Himself will show us what to do and how to live. No one can help us as much as God can He is the Only One Who knows our heart and our soul. Lets start obeying our husbands in little things. Cleaning house, making good, healthy meals, giving him a massage after he gets home from work and involve your children in it too, write him little notes, tell him how much you love him and how much he means to you, sing hymns, train your children to respect their dad, be joyful always and you'll see how much he'll change. He'll praise you and your children will call you blessed.

May the Lord richly bless you as you seek to please Him.

"Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castway." 1 Cor. 9:24-26

God is good.

Amy

PS. I hope this makes sence as I said in other posts English is my second language sometimes I my grammer is not what it should be. Thank you.

[benshelpmeet]

You are precious and dear friend Amy!

Thank you for this post. My heart has been so burdened for this precious sister, and others out there that struggle with this topic. I have been so very busy at home...so much canning to do! I praise the Lord for that. My time is stretched. I have wanted to post on this topic, but have not had the time needed to respond to this weighty topic. Thank You!

You have spoke the truth here sister, I could not have put it any better.

May the Lord bless your day sweet sister.

[moses]

Hi Holly,

One thing to consider is this: if all the advice you're getting from godly, conservative women is the same (sit down, shut up, and pray as you put it), maybe you should really consider it more thoroughly. Proverbs 11:14 "Where no counsel is , the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety. "


Amy's post is excellent and covers some of what I was going to say. There are a few other things to consider though.

When you see a thread on modest clothing, wearing headcoverings, or wearing dresses only, there is almost always at least ONE woman (sometimes more) who respond that they wish they could wear _______, but either their husband flat-out says no, or else their husband expresses his disapproval in other ways. They are left with the choice between following their husband's instructions or following God's orders.

I'd like to address this issue a little. First, I agree that a woman should not obey her husband if he tells her to commit adultry or murder someone or some other gross blatant sin. But this is not a simple either/or situation here. To follow your husbands instructions *is* to follow God's order, because God commanded you to submit to and obey your husband. Eph. 5:24 says, "Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." Note the scope of the subjection, "in every thing". So the problem now becomes, which is the greater sin; to disobey my husband, or the thing which he is telling me to do? Now, I believe there are some guidelines that can help understand this.
First, is it truly sin? Is it clearly, directly laid out as a moral sin in scripture? Or is it merely a difference of opinion on the application of a biblical principle? Many times the things I've seen women become convicted about are not issues of sin. They may even be right in what they want to do, but to not do it is not sin. For instance, there is no command in the scripture "thou shalt not wear pants". There is a principle of modesty, and that women shall not wear that which pertains to a man, but it can be argued that "womens" pants do not pertain to a man (are not mens clothing), and that they can be modest (which they can, although not as modest as a good dress). I'm not saying I agree with this or condone women wearing pants (I do not), but I would not say someone who disagrees with me on this was neccesarily sinning. I also know a woman who has continually become "convicted" of all kinds of things which are not biblical. She has led her family back into Jewish dietary laws, and many other things. Eve was deceived, and her daughters are capable of the same deception, which is given in 1 Tim 2:14 as the reason women are not to teach or usurp authority over the man.
Secondly, if it is an issue of your husband forbidding something which God *has* commanded, such as wearing the headcovering, consider these things. Was the woman made to be a help to the man, or to wear the headcovering? So which is more important? There's a mennonite church not too far from us that helped two women that I know of to divorce their husbands, primarily over the headcovering. The one husband would have even allowed her to wear a scarf, just not the mennonite covering. Talk about straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel (Matt. 23:24). Or there's the issue of modest dress. There are degrees of modesty, and vastly different opinions on what is modest and neccesary. Now I do believe there is only one interpretation of scripture, and that most of what modern people think is modest is nowhere close, but you can also go to an extreme and dress like a muslim with only your eyes showing. Generally then you are best off as you say later - following you husband. But you can be modest in attitude and actions, even if you feel that the clothing he is requiring you to wear is not modest enough.

Generally, they choose to follow their husbands (see the praise of Sarah in I Peter), and I think that's probably the best idea.

It's not uncommon to hear a woman who's been praying for the same thing (a change in her husband) for 20+ years and has yet to be answered.

There are several things to consider here. One, God is sovreign. We should obey God and pray, even if we never see the answer we are looking for. Abraham believed God's promise even though he did not live to see it. God's timing is not ours, and our duty is to obey Him and trust him with the results. I've heard several stories of people praying daily for the salvation of some family members, and then dying without seeing them saved, and then the family members were saved shortly after their death.
Secondly, maybe the change the woman wants is not right? I've seen that plenty.
Thirdly, maybe the change she wants is right, but is her heart and actions right? God sometimes does not deliver us from situations, or change them, because we are not learning the lessons we need to. Sometimes our hearts are not right, and we are not doing what God has told us to do, and using someone else's actions as an excuse. 1Peter tells wives to be in subjection to their own husbands, "that if any obey not the word", i.e. if they are not saved. It's talking about being in subjection to unsaved husbands here. Praying for a change or salvation in your husband is good and neccesary, but here it is the submission and chaste way of life of the wife that God says may convert the husband; and if that is not focused on along with the prayer, then the prayers may prove worthless.
Many times when this third thing is the problem, if the husband *does* change, and starts taking spiritual leadership of his home, the wife hates it. What shows up is that she was really rebellious all the time, and simply used these "holy" issues to justify it.

My husband says that if she's still worrying about it after her husband has made his decision, she is not submitting to him in her heart, and that's her fault because if she really wanted to submit to him, she could. (I disagree, incidentally--I think it indicates a lack of trust since she feels like her husband doesn't care enough about her to protect her from the dangers of such things. How can you submit to someone you can't trust? And how can you trust someone who has repeatedly put you in danger?)

What you need to realize is that your trust is to be primarily in God, not your husband. Your husband will fail in one way or another and do things which are not wise, but it is God who commands you to obey your husband, and God can and will protect you if you obey Him. I believe this is why it says in 1 Pet 3:6 "whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement." You are not afraid, because your trust is in God, and He will never let you down.

I don't think that submitting from the heart is just a matter of willpower. I do all the outward stuff--the outward acts of submission--but inside my heart breaks every time he asks me to put on a pair of jeans, a short skirt, or a swimsuit--every time he asks me to watch South Park or look at an obscene video he got in his e-mail that he thinks is funny. I do all the right things, but my heart isn't in the right place, no matter how much I pray and plead. How can I trust someone that doesn't seem to care how I feel or what happens to me?

Well, it *should* break your heart when your husband sins, or tries to get you to sin or involve you in his sin. This is not an indication of lack of submission. You should be grieved and pray for him, and talk to him. Especially if your husband is a christian, you two are one flesh and you should talk and communicate. Again, trust in God, and submit because God commands it, not because your husband deserves it, or because he won't ever hurt or betray you.

1. For the men: Is there a right way to talk to your husband about something that you feel he's doing wrong? If so, how do you do it? In other words, as a man, how would YOU like to be addressed by your wife?

Now I'm finally getting to your main questions! I hope the previous has been at least somewhat helpful.
There is a right way to talk to your husband. Appeal to him as you would to a king or goverment authority - Sarah called Abraham "lord". Don't start out with accusations such as "you never...", or "you always...", or maligning his motives. Don't get angry, even if he is totally unreasonable, or disagrees with you, and be willing to listen and consider what he says. Tell him why you think something is wrong, and if he disagrees, ask him to teach you why. If it's something clearly wrong, such as watching obscene videos or something, plead with him to at least not require you to do or see it. Finally, have a humble, submissive attitude.
Now I'm not saying any of this is easy! If were the easy and natural thing to do, God wouldn't have had to give instructions on the matter as all women would naturally do it right. Not only that, but as with anything else in our Christian walk, we cannot do anything on our own strength. We must realize that we cannot simply change our hearts and attitudes, and we must fly to Christ, repenting of our attitudes, and lack of submission, acknowledge our need, and pray for strength and for God to "renew a right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10).

Proverbs 16:3 "Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established."

Moses

[hollydawnr]

Thank you all so much for the wonderful and detailed replies! I think that sometimes I (and I'm sure I'm not alone in this) already KNOW what I need to be doing, but I don't want to do it. I am so grateful for the wise counsel all of you have given. Sometimes hearing it from another person helps us to accept what we have to do.

In all fairness, I do love and adore my husband, and he's a wonderful man and a growing Christian. In looking back on it, I've found that whenever I step back and give him some space, he almost always comes to the right decision.

I did want to add one other thing, that I hope will help some other women who may be going through this...

Before we were saved, my DH and I were separated for a time. It's during that period that we were both saved. The night I was saved, I remember arguing for hours with the things that were being shown to me. I was TOLD by the Holy Spirit to return to my husband in submission and obedience. One of the questions I asked was, "How can I submit to him when he's wrong." The answer was, "He's human, and he WILL be wrong. But he cannot learn unless you give him the room to do that. If you constantly try to jump in and save him from his poor decisions, he will never learn the lessons he needs to learn. And if you try to browbeat him into doing the things you want him to do, he'll simply become more dead-set against it." So basically, when a wife does NOT submit, it does two things: First, by trying to protect our husbands, they never get a chance to learn things on their own, kind of like when we are over-protective with our children. If our husband never makes a mistake, how will he learn? Second (and this is the important one, I think), I don't know about other husbands, but my husband can be VERY stubborn. If he gets the feeling that I'm trying to push him into something, he'll dig his heels in and won't do it. The problem is that if I get him so dead-set against something because of my nagging, and then God tries to convict him of that, it'll make God's job a lot harder because DH is already resistant to that principle.

Sometimes I know these things, but I guess I tend to forget. I also want to share two examples, for your benefit, and for mine! Maybe if it's written down, I'll remember it a bit better!

First, with regards to learning lessons: One of the things I have always done is the budgeting, and DH told me that he wanted to do it from now on. Well I was concerned, because he tends to spend a lot more than I do. I prayed about it, and I was told, "Your job is to submit. If he messes it up, he'll have to face the consequences, but as long as you are in submission, God will protect you and the children." To me, that was a very shocking promise, but I put my faith in it. Sure enough, for the first two months that DH did the checkbook, we were overdrawn. I was very nervous, but somehow, things always worked out. *I* always seemed to have enough money to do the things I needed to do (grocery shopping, etc.), while DH had to curtail his snack bar spending and stop going for fast food for his work lunches. After two months and some stressful times (for DH), he got the hang of it. He's never overdrafted the account since! The wonderful thing is that I've seen him become a better steward than I ever thought possible! He's started tithing (something he never used to do), saving (again, something that he never did before), and has even started setting aside money to get his vasectomy reversed (we got it done before we got saved, and now we both feel very strongly that we need to reverse it, but that's another story)!

On the second issue of my nagging interfering with God's convicting, I'm reminded of homeschool. For years, even before we were saved, I've been bugging DH to let me homeschool. When I got saved, I tried very hard to stop nagging him about it. Sure enough, about six months after I stopped nagging, he said, "I want you to start homeschooling next year. Look into it, figure out what we need to get started, and let me know." I realized that when I stepped back and stopped talking, he opened his heart to hearing what GOD had to say.

Again, thank you all so much. I am so blessed and so grateful to have all of you.

[benshelpmeet]

A Few thoughts:

Who is the bible written to?

All the saved or just those who are married to godly men?

Or who have godly parents?

Or those who are not married yet, but are out of the home?

Is it only for those with godly authority in their life?


We as christians are accountable to God for our obedients to scripture.

We are told in the word of God what we should and should not do as a christian. What pleases God and what displeases God.

The bible was written for male and female, husband and wives, children included. We are accountable to God as a christian to obey it's teachings.

We read Gods word and we are taught many truths, we are to obey these truths as God reveals them. We will stand before God one day and give account as a christian how we lived our lives, what we did and did not do as a christian.

We as a christian must study the word of God and obey it's teachings.

There are those out there who teach that we are to obey our husbands over the scriptures, even if asked to sin. That he will stand before God for how he led his wife.... He (will ) stand before God for how he led his wife and children.

A wife and a child is to obey their husband and their father in all areas, except when asked to sin.

A wife and a child are to be sweet, respectful to their husband and the child to their father, but they are accountable to God to obey the scripture, If God teaches a truth, it is to be obeyed.

If we have unsaved, ungodly,or carnal authority over us we are to do right according to scripture and the teachings the Lord would have the christian to obey.

If your authority wants you to disobey the Lord, you are to with much respect and a sweet godly attitude and response, obey God rather than man. This can be done in a respectful, humble way. If our hearts are truly right with God we can come across in such a way that the Lord will go before us and speak to our authority's heart, they will have to give account to God for their response. As we are accountable to God for our response.




James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.



Another thought:

Pants on women...When did this start?

When Deut 22:5 was written what was a mans garment?

( men would gird themselves up for work and war, by pulling their robe between their legs and tucking it in their belt thus making a pair of pants...the women never did this, they were not suppose to....The priest wore breeches, which were pants. )

If pants are not a mans garment then what is a mans garment?

Even bathroom signs have a woman in a dress and a man in a pair of pants, because everyone knows pants are a mans garment.

When men start wearing dresses, which is already beginning to happen in America even here in the South, Will it be ok for christian men to wear a dress as long as it is made out of manly material like blue jean, camouflage etc.?

Will it be ok for your preacher to preach in a dress?

Will women then have to stop wearing blue jean dresses, and jumpers, and skirts, because it would have become a mans garment?




TV, Movies, Magazines, etc.


Psa 101:3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.


Rom 1:28 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

Rom 1:29 Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

Rom 1:30 Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

Rom 1:31 Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

Rom 1:32 Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

When someone watches TV or movies with immoral or Godless things in it they are being entertained by it or taking pleasure in it.

Laughing at jokes or situations that grieve God.

Pro 14:9 Fools make a mock at sin

I have seen preachers and chriatians pretending to be a drunk, or mimicking a queer etc. It sure is not funny. But they think it is.

How can a christian sit and watch (be entertained...take pleasure in ) immorality, fornication, gossip, rebellion, ( all the things mentioned in Romans 1:28 - 31.




1 Peter 3:1

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

1 Peter 3:2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1 Peter 3:3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

1 Peter 3:4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

The scripture tells the wife: if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

1Pe 3:2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1Pe 3:3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning

But let it be the hidden man of the heart,

This is talking of a husband that ''does not obey Gods word'' (if any obey not the word.)

How can we have chaste conversation and partake in ungodly behavior or events?

If we say we believe in being chaste in spirit and outward behavior , but we submit to wearing immodest clothing or watching ungodly things on TV, We are causing confusion in our spouses mind.

1 Peter 3:2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

How can we fear God and partake in ungodly events or wear ungodly clothing? The husband in his hearts of hearts will not be impressed or convinced of your christian testimony or christianity. It will cause confusion in his heart. He wont respect you.

1 Peter 3:4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

This is what sister Amy so clearly expressed.

If your heart is truly toward the Lord and you truly love your husband you will with much respect and reverence coupled with much prayer communicate with your husband.

The Lord will go before you giving you the words to say, and though your husband may not change his ways right away, he will be able to understand that there are things the Lord will not allow allow you to do because it is against your conscience.

When a christian starts picking and choosing what sin is ok to do, and which sin is not ok to do, where will they draw the line?

James 4:17 Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.


We as wives need to love the Lord with all our hearts, soul, and mind, and next to the Lord our husbands should be most precious and dear to us even if he is not where we think he should be in his walk with God, even if he makes mistakes ( which he will because he is human just like we are ) We should be broken before God for our situation, willing to allow the Lord to break our hearts and make changes in our hearts and lives where change is needed. God can heal our marriages...God can lead our husbands even if there heart is far from God.

Holly,

I'm so glad your husband is a saved man and a good man. Be encouraged!

Modesty: 1Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; and Deu 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God. and Prov 7:10 And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. Note: in bible times women were more modest than today. Something to think about! When women of today think of the attire of a harlot they think of a street walker. What does God think an attire of a harlot is?

1Ti 2:10 But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works


Going to church: Heb 10:22 Let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience, and our bodies washed with pure water.

Heb 10:23 Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)

Heb 10:24 And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:

Heb 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

Heb 10:26 For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,



Family Devotions: 2Timothy 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. and Prov 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. and Deu 6:7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

Deu 6:8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.

Deu 6:9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.


What does the bible say on these issues.

Can you obey God and be respectful to your husband? Yes, you can.


quote: Is it possible to submit in your heart when you feel betrayed and hurt? If so, how?

Cry out to God to change your heart and cause you to see things through Gods eyes, ask him to comfort your heart, and help you to love unconditionally. ( 1 Cor 13 )

You are to love, and respect, and obey your husband in all things...whatever he ask of you, he is the leader, the head. You are to give your will to him. If he likes a certain meal, or a certain color theme in the home, or doesn't like pets, or wants to spend money on something you disagree with, etc.....The list goes on and on...You are to obey him. If he ask you to sin, you are to obey God.

I like what Moses said here...this is very good advice.

There is a right way to talk to your husband. Appeal to him as you would to a king or government authority - Sarah called Abraham "lord".

Don't start out with accusations such as "you never...", or "you always...", or maligning his motives.

Don't get angry, even if he is totally unreasonable, or disagrees with you, and be willing to listen and consider what he says.

Tell him why you think something is wrong, and if he disagrees, ask him to teach you why. If it's something clearly wrong, such as watching obscene videos or something, plead with him to at least not require you to do or see it.

Finally, have a humble, submissive attitude.
Now I'm not saying any of this is easy! If were the easy and natural thing to do, God wouldn't have had to give instructions on the matter as all women would naturally do it right. Not only that, but as with anything else in our Christian walk, we cannot do anything on our own strength.

We must realize that we cannot simply change our hearts and attitudes, and we must fly to Christ, repenting of our attitudes, and lack of submission, acknowledge our need, and pray for strength and for God to "renew a right spirit within me" (Psalm 51:10).

Proverbs 16:3 "Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established."


Holly,

Ben and I also have felt pity and frustration for women ( and men ) who want to follow and honor the Lord, but their spouse does not want to. They even go as far as to think there off the deep end. We live in a carnal ( no fear of God) age. Pray sister.

Love your sister and friend, ~ Darlene ~

[George]

Wow sister Darlene, you almost covered the whole Bible all at once! That was extremely well done. I think I will print it out and save it for possible future use. Thank you for taking the time to do all of that.

In Christ,
George

[Brother Ben]

Amen, Bro George, I agree. Darlene and I chatted on the cell phone different times as she compiled this thorogh job of covering the issues at hand. We wanted to be thorogh on this topic because of those out there that teach error when it comes to where one draws the lines in the area of submission and authority.