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Post by rachel4 on Aug 22, 2011 16:36:28 GMT -5
For those of you who are involved in a local congregation, did you or do you allow your children to attend the youth group? Can I get some whys and why nots from those in this situation, or you have been? Our daughter is about a year away from the youth group in our church, and while I like the youth pastor and his wife a lot, I'm not quite as sure about some of the other kids. Don't get me wrong, they aren't wild, just not like our kids in terms of the goals we have for them. However, I also feel pressure (I'm putting it on myself) to let her go regardless, because being homeschooled that's their social outlet pretty much. Would love some opinions....
Thanks, Rachel
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Post by rachel on Aug 22, 2011 19:35:12 GMT -5
I don't usually attend the youth group at my church; in fact for much the same reason, that the other children there aren't exactly the sort I want to be spending too much time with it. Sometimes I wonder if they're really Christians.
My mother thinks I should go to the youth group more often to socialise with other children my age. My father also thinks I should go but says he understand my reasons for not doing so.
I'm not sure how much my situation pertains to yours, however. What is the quality of the scripture teaching at Jordyn's youth group? One of my main problems with my local youth group is that there is almost no scripture teaching or Bible study at the youth gatherings. I can understand this for the Friday group as that's listed as a 'social' time, but each group (for example, I'm in Yrs 10-12 girls, there's also 7-9 girls, Uni girls, and all three groups of boys) is meant to get together once a fortnight for 'small groups Bible study'. Well, we get together, but it's mostly games and gossipping, and I don't really want to have a part in that if I go for the Bible study.
Another thing is, I'm the only one in my small group who's homeschooled, and there's only one other kid in the whole youth group who's homeschooled (12-year-old boy. I'm actually quite close to him as we go to all the same homeschoolers gatherings in the area and his mother is my 'test supervisor'. I also babysit his younger siblings occasionally). The difference between homechooled and 'schoolite' girls at my age is quite notable; all they want to do is sit there and gossip about boys and teachers, and I have no interest in the former and as for the latter, that's my mother so I can't really grouch about her. I asked the youth group leaders if I could swap to the 7-9 girls small group (the difference isn't so noticeable at that age) and they said I couldn't as they wanted me to stay with the girls my age, and also my sister's in that group and they didn't want me with her as they thought it would prevent us from saying things. (Seriously, the two of us are more likely to talk more freely if the others is there).
So, yes, in summation, my reasons for not going are 1) lack of teaching and Bible study, 2) I don't fit in with the other children (nor particularly want to) because a) they gossip all the time and b) we have nothing in common; they go to school, wear revealing clothes, and pants...
Don't get me wrong, it's a good church with good teaching, and about 50% of the women there wear long skirts, but the youth are a bit wild. I suppose I should give them credit for going from absolutely nothing for the youth to having such a structure youth group in about 4 years.
I'm considering starting to go to another local youth group. It's actually at an Anglican church but it's a very liberal Anglican church with lots of homeschoolers. The only thing stopping me, of course, is the fact that it is Anglican. But I did used to go to it's sister church's youth group for several years when we were living in the city, and they had lots of good, solid Bible teaching at the youth groups, and I have no reason to expect this is any different.
If you're worried about the socalisation thing but you don't want your daughter to socialise with the sorts of kids at your youth group, I recommend the homeschooling group. I don't know what your local homeschooling group is like, but mine is pretty wonderful with lots of meetings. Some of the activities are just for fun, but most are pretty Bible-based, and there are quite a few girls my own age there who I have much more in common with (in fact, they came up with the 'homeschooling' and 'schoolite' classification system. Not that we hate 'schoolite' girls or think ourselves better than them or anything, it's just a way to describe the seemingly vast difference between us).
I hope this helps, or perhaps I've just bored you to death.
It's also possible, since Jordyn's about a year away from attending the youth group, that by the time the time comes, she'll have a circle of friends from the homeschooling group, and if the major pressure you're putting on yourself to let her attend it for socialisation, then she won't need it so much.
Not sure whether any of this helps in the least, but I hope it gives you some ideas on my view of a similar situation.
From Rachel.
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art
New Member
Posts: 46
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Post by art on Aug 22, 2011 23:02:55 GMT -5
No, we absolutely do not allow our children to take part in the youth group. This is a subject I have very strong feelings about so I have to be careful not to say more than I should and start raving.
1) The youth leaders in our church mean well I think but their teaching has no substance to it. By that I mean, they teach the kids about what other religions and other denominations believe and they teach some Bible history. They teach nothing (as of the last time I checked which was just a few weeks ago) regarding what the Bible has to say about purity, choosing a spouse, avoiding temptation, respecting authority, charity, marriage, divorce, re-marriage, or modesty. These kids need life lessons that pertain to teenagers and the issues their facing now and in the near future to avoid regrets later in life.
2) The youth in our group are as worldly a bunch as you would find by choosing a handful of kids out of the hall at the local public school, which is where all but one of them spend 8 hours per day 5 days per week. I don't know about you but avoiding that crowd is much of the reason we homeschool. My children do not need to learn socialization from them.
3) Youth groups can be just as hard on and detrimental to their own members as the public school youth are on each other at school. I grew up in a Southern Baptist youth group attending every function there was. My parents thought as long as I was with the church youth everything was o.k. so we acted nice in class at church and then went out to party without the adults after church or after Bible study. I won't go into the shameful details here but we were not putting positive peer pressure on each other and we had 2 suicides in my youth group.
4) As "Australian Rachel" (who I'm developing great respect for) said in her post, look to your homeschool group for families that share your values to find youth for your daughter to socialize with. I'm sure your homeschool group is like ours in that you wouldn't want your children being too close with some of them but if you can find just 2 or 3 families to connect with that's enough.
5) You said the youth at your church aren't wild. That's what the parents and leaders at my church thought too. If your apprehensive about the youth group there is probably a very good reason for feeling that way.
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Post by Elizabeth on Aug 23, 2011 12:18:07 GMT -5
I used to attend the Youth group at a Baptist church that I used to attend.. However if you are the only one in the whole church that dresses Modest and wears a covering they really tend to make comments about your dress and they say "what you think you are better than us" yes I have had those said to me.. However I just looked at them and said no I am not better than you and I have never thought to be better than anyone I am just doing what the Lord has asked me to do.. That really was something to tell a "wordly" bunch of kids.. And then when I moved up to the next group The College and Career.. After I left the church and started going to a plain church the teacher that was over the group saw my mom one day and stopped her and said that everyone really needed to pray for me cause I wasnt doing something that the Lord has called me to do.. And my mom looked at him and said that he doesnt know what the Lord has called me to do and that yes we should pray for everyone.. But that she knows I am doing what the Lord called me to do.. She said she can see it in my life at how happy I am..
I am saying this.. I would not put my children in a Youth Group when I have children they will just stay with the parents if I go to a Wordly church.. I have different views with a plain church... I am part of a Youth Group at the plain church that I am attending/ sometimes going.. I havent been going for the past few sundays.. Due to things going on.. But I do like the way they handle the group.. And they have the same lesson as the adults.. I am very impressed with it.. I pray that each of you have a very blessed day.. Blessings, Elizabeth
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Post by Brother Ben on Aug 23, 2011 15:26:38 GMT -5
While attending a large IFB church, we came to the point where we stopped using the children's church program and youth groups because of the type of children involved. I'm not talking about children from "outside" the church who came and DID NOT know how to behave, but the "church children," who (should) know better.
Wild, hyper, carnal, mean, tough, c00l...do any of those terms sound familiar? All characteristics I did not want my children to see or learn, especially in the house of God.
I know some churches have more control than that, but that is the exception, not the rule. A brother I really respect once observed that another key problem is, one places their children in childrens church, youth group, (whichever,) and they play and have fun. Then, one day, the time comes to sit in the auditorium with (dull) mom and day, and (dull) preaching and teaching, and they slip away from the Lord, (some times run.)
Church has become so "programs" oriented one wonders if it is the house of God, or the YMCA. This is a reason we turned to the home church/house church model. We grew weary of all the "unbiblical" things being done in the name of "church." No wonder the church has so little impact on society anymore.
Sister Rachel, your misgivings are not unfounded. This is a problem, not a blessing. It is happening in more groups that baptist and evangelical. I know of a Charity (Mennonite) church that has started having a "youth program" in their church and when families refused to send their children, the mafia brothers came and leaned on them. When they would not relent, they were compelled to leave. That's real Christian.
The Lord warned of this:
"Let no man deceive you by any means: for that day shall not come, except there come a falling away first. . . " 2 Thess. 2:3a
When the programs become the priority then something is wrong. The American church needs to wake from it's slumbering state.
Bro. Ben
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