salt and light?

[rachel4]

Hi everyone....Would like some opinions....This post is somewhat related to my previous thread asking for advice about youth groups.

I had a chance to talk with both my pastor and youth pastor this weekend about our daughter's potential involvement in our church's youth group. I am still uncertain that she would be learning much of value to her there and also fairly certain she will be exposed to some ideas/values I would prefer her not to be. I also know that she will probably continue to have some negativity coming her way over her modest dress and head covering.

So, in relating this to my pastor and youth pastor, their responses were that we are to be salt and light in the world and that by keeping her from the youth group she is not going to have an opportunity to be this. Part of me says, no, I don't agree with them, but here's the thing...When we first moved here a conservative family in our co-op befriended us when we were in a much different place than we are now. If that family had not been willing to interact with us I am not sure how far down this new path we are on that we would be, of course I l know God is sovereign and if He wanted us here we would be here regardless, but I know this family has been a good, Godly influence on us.

So, opinions? My daughter has a very strong character and is not easily influenced, but she is still my little girl and I want to protect her; however I also do not want to block God's will for her if it is to be a balancing, Godly influence on some of the other girls in the youth group. What do you all think?

Thanks!
Rachel F.

[rachel]

Once again, this is quite a difficult question. I can't hope to answer it, and I wouldn't want to tell you what to do, so I will do my best to answer it based on my own experiences.

Now, I have found that pastors/youth pastors will want the youth of their church to their youth group, regardless of the parent's knowledge of the child or the parent and/or child's opinion of the youth group. I'm not saying that all pastors are like this, this is just a generalisation based on my experiences. Often the pastor doesn't really know what goes on in the youth group or what the quality of the teaching is, and just assumes that it is of the highest possible quality. They also can't be relied upon to know what the behaviour of the other children will be like.

They're certainly making a good point, but really? In a youth group? Knowing teenagers as I do, the other kid's reaction to her dress and covering would probably be something along the lines of, "Oh, look, she's weird. She's also a newby, and we have our circle of friends, I don't think she's cool enough to join it." I honestly don't know what the other kids think, but this seems a pretty realistic option. And that would probably be the end of that. Not to preach doom or anything, but teenagers exclude anyone who's not like them. Jordyn would probably be left out of conversation (or she may not want to join in, depending on the topic!) and she may even get some nasty comments, or just feel sort of shunned by the others. On the other hand, she may be accepted and have a postive influence on the other kids. I really don't know (although option one is far more likely in my experience).

I can see where your pastor and youth pastor are coming from, but it's really up to you. Also, I think, an entire family to an entire family interaction at a homeschooling group is likely to be far more receptive than one younger, newer girl in an entire youth group.

I am also fairly strong of character and not easily influenced, and this is usually a good thing, but when surrounded for several hours a week by multiple 'worldly' girls/youth who seem to be doing their best to exclude you can wear on you, especially if you're going there for the purpose of doing Bible study and none seems to be done every.

I don't mean to sound sinister or to direct you completely off sending Jordyn to the youth group. I'm also rather bitter concerning my own youth group at the moment - I haven't been in about a month due to the reasons that you're unwilling to send your own daughter - so I'm probably not the best person to give advice!

My best advice, aside from telling you my own story, would be to tell you to pray about it. Ask God for His help and go with what YOU belive He is telling you, rather than what your paster and youth pastor believe He is telling you. As the saying is 'go with your gut'. If you're uneasy about sending Jordyn to the youth group, then don't send her.

I still maintain that it's better to find a circle of friends in your homeschooling group, who'll be more likely to accept the modest dress and the headcovering, and who'll have more similar standards as far as behaviour and conduct is concerned. Also, I'm sorry if I've ranted a bit here.

God bless,
from Rachel.

[Brother John]

Anyone interested in the subject of youth groups, youth ministry and Sunday school would do well to watch the documentary called, "Divided," and take heed to the things presented therein. Modern "youth ministry" has wreaked untold havoc upon the church of Jesus Christ and upon the Christian family. This video covers the issue very well. Lord bless you.

www.vimeo.com/26098320

John

[michelle]

Rachel F.

I guess my question to you, in response to your Pastor and Youth Pastor's comment, is, what are the feelings towards modest dress and covering?

Basically, if they don't agree with you on the covering, I would think that they would be hoping to influence your daughter away from it. The same with modest clothing.

[rachel4]

Michelle,
I don't know what their feelings are on it. Right now my family is in a fairly large transition, my daughter and I have just started to dress modestly in the last few months, my daughter covers, I do not but am inclined toward it, right now my husband does not want me to but allows our daughter.

I would guess they would say modest dress is good, but they don't require it of the teens or women in the congregation. In fact some of the teen girls in our church dress quite inappropriately, and by that I don't mean jeans, I mean they are exposing a good deal of skin in both Wednesday night and Sunday morning services. They would say, I think, that the head covering is unnecessary.

Rachel F.

[Brother Ben]

So, in relating this to my pastor and youth pastor, their responses were that we are to be salt and light in the world and that by keeping her from the youth group she is not going to have an opportunity to be this.

There will come a day when your daughter is out of your house, and will have to engage the world as it is. For now, you and your husband are in the process of "setting" things in order. It is not the job of your daughter to be the "salt and light" for the youth group.

This is the fundamental error in their philosophy. I know it is elementary, but let's review a little test here:

Muddy water + clean water= clean water True or False

If you circled false, you got a 100, if you circle true, you have just entered your child into exposure they might not be ready for yet. Remember, the worlds system is secular and Christ-hating at heart. When we mingle our children with the world and worldly church children, we defile our children.

One will be accused of "over-protection," but that is not what God calls it. It is as follows:

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Prov. 22:6

Can I offer you a synonym for the phrase, "when he is old?" How about this one, "...when he is mature..."

I'm not being a (beloved) KJV correcter, but shedding light on the gist of this verse. We don't want our children to finally turn to Christ when they are old, i.e., a geezers , but to slowly and carefully, (at the guiding hand of cautious parents,) learn mature decision making tendancies.

I'd like to think it works, but too many times have I seen the worldy youth corrupt good kids.

[blessedbygod]

Aug 31, 2011 0:03:35 GMT -5 Brother John said:

Anyone interested in the subject of youth groups, youth ministry and Sunday school would do well to watch the documentary called, "Divided," and take heed to the things presented therein. Modern "youth ministry" has wreaked untold havoc upon the church of Jesus Christ and upon the Christian family. This video covers the issue very well. Lord bless you.

www.vimeo.com/26098320

John

I watched the video today - that Brother John was talking about (above). It was a good video. I also sent the link to my Mom. I am hoping our whole family can watch it.
Thanks for sharing.


Kim

[Brother John]

Here's "Voddie Baucham on Youth Ministry" - Another excellent and informative video on youth ministry.

vimeo.com/28372823

John

[michelle]

Aug 31, 2011 8:19:15 GMT -5 rachel4 said:

I would guess they would say modest dress is good, but they don't require it of the teens or women in the congregation. In fact some of the teen girls in our church dress quite inappropriately, and by that I don't mean jeans, I mean they are exposing a good deal of skin in both Wednesday night and Sunday morning services. They would say, I think, that the head covering is unnecessary.

My guess is that they will be trying to encourage your daughter away from modest dress and covering.

I also agree with what Brother Ben wrote.