Train up a child! Proverbs 22:6

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I thought it would be helpful to post articles that are helpful to child rearing. I hope you will enjoy these articles, and be able to learn from them, I know I will. Love, ~ sister Darlene ~



Developing A Childs Will

********Isn't it a joy to go to a restaurant and see children well behaved? Or better yet the fact that your children are well behaved? What about the times you are engaged in conversation with someone and a child is in need of you or the one you are talking with, and that child politely waits until spoken to? One of my pet peeves are children that can’t seem to sit still while in church. Parents up and down with them every five minutes or so. In order for children to be respectful and self-disciplined, it is necessary to train them from an early age. There are many books out there to tell us the how to's, but there is one book that has all the answers. That book of course being the Holy Bible. So when my children were young I began to look for books that used the Bible as their foundation for child rearing. One of the best books at the time was a book written by Dr. Jack Hyles, called "How to Rear Children". It is from that book most of this is taken from. Our Children are only on loan to us from God. Whether or not they amount to anything for Him, it will most likely be because of how we raised them. Does it take time? Yes Does it seem like it will never end? Yes Are there rewards? Most definitely!

Developing A Childs Will
"He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city." -Proverbs 16:32
A paraphrase of the above Scripture would be, "Who is the hero? The hero is the man who restrains himself." Supreme in the rearing of a child is the developing of character. It is more important for a child to be what he ought to be than to do what he ought to do or know what he ought to know. If the child is what he ought to be, he will do what he ought to do and learn what he ought to know. In our generation the cultivating of the intellect is thought to be the answer; consequently, the child is taught, school is emphasized, and higher education is considered imperative. To be sure, the intellect is a part of the mind. There is, however, another part of the mind that is far too often overlooked - the will. For the intellect to be trained and the will to be untrained is dangerous. Susanna Wesley said she disciplined each of her children until his will was broken. The wise parent starts when the child is and infant in the training of the will.

The training of the will means the child is taught to do right by constant practice so that the mind rises to action by reflex just like the body. When the will has been brought into subjection to do that which is right the child learns to make his decisions by mental reflex. This is accomplished by applying a certain stimulus to the child and having him practice the proper response. For example, when I was a boy my mother used to have me practice standing when a lady would walk into the room. I would be seated; Mother would go outside and reenter. As she entered I would stand. She would go out again; I would stand again. Over and over this was repeated until it became almost a reflex for me to stand when a lady entered a room. This was continued day by day until I never had to decide to stand when a lady entered the room I stood by mental reflex. Hour after hour Mother would practice with me on giving a lady my seat when there were no others seats available. I would sit down and Mother would walk out of the room. She would reenter. I would stand and say, "Ma'am, would you like my seat?" She would sit down. This was done over and over again until it was a subconscious thing for me to rise and offer a lady my seat.

It is only logical to assume that the more things a person does the more chances he has to do something wrong. Hence, the more decisions one has to make during a day the more likely he is to make the wrong decisions and the more wrong decisions he is likely to make. Consequently, if one lets his principles make his decisions for him, he will make fewer mistakes and yes, commit fewer sins. This means that one decides what he will always do under any given stimulus or circumstance and this is practiced until it becomes part of the subconscious. He will have spared himself the temptation of facing a decision each time a certain stimulus or a certain circumstance confronts him. Hence, one's principles will make his decisions and he decides only once and for all what the principles will be. Luther Burbank said that you can fix a desired trait in a human being by constant practice like you can fix a desired trait in a plant. This is done only by constant practice.

This is good only if we teach our children the proper good reaction to certain stimuli until the decisions of life are made by mental reflex and good is done subconsciously. This means the child will do right by habit, for basically, character is learning the proper habits. It is learning to do right without voluntary action. It is the subconscious doing of right. This can be done only by practice and more practice and more practice.

The wise parent will make a list of the things he wants his child to do under certain conditions and influences. He will then require the child to practice the proper response to each condition and stimulus. When my children were little I made a list of all the things I wanted them to learn to do by mental reflex. Some of these things were: answering the phone properly, shaking hands properly, walking, sitting, using correct posture, paying bills, having respect for elders, and many others. Each evening we would spend some time practicing each of these things until they became natural. This is the way a child learns to walk, to eat, etc. This is the way an athlete learns to be successful. When I was a child my mother would often ask me this question, "Son, would you like a cigarette?" I would say, "No!" Over and over again she would ask the same question and I would give the same answer. She was trying to get me to associate the word "No" with cigarettes. She did the same thing about liquor and other temptations. She would hold up cigarette ads in front of me and say, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" Then she would ask me to do the same thing. I would look at the cigarette ad and say, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!" until the two words "cigarette" and "no" became associated indelibly in my subconscious mind. Every great nation, whether her philosophies were right or wrong, rose to greatness using this method of teaching. Such discipline made America a great nation. She is now crumbling because of the lack of it. All strong nations were made strong by such training of the will. Such programs had been added to their schools. Every nation that has crumbled did so when such discipline was deserted. The wise parent, the wise pastor, the wise coach, etc. will produce the proper decisions by constant repetition until the child has learned to do right without voluntary action. Hence, the will has been cultivated to make decisions by principle. The making of decisions by the child, or the adult for that matter, will have less chance of being wrong when the doing of right has become habit!

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The Importance of Self- Control


In the previous page we found that the developing of the proper character is the supreme part of rearing a child. Now the most important part of developing the right character is the developing of self-control. Self-control is the will conquering attention. It is the appetite being satisfied only when the will allows. It is the will conquering the appetite rather than the appetite conquering the will.

When children are infants we often place things over their cribs such as little birds that move abut with slightest wind. The child's attention is captured by these little birds. His will is a slave to his attention. He does not decide at what he will look. He looks at that thing which is most attractive to him. In other words, he is affected by an external stimulus. Self-control comes when the will takes over and decides what a person does. His actions are decided by his will rather than by the appeal to the senses. Unless self- control is developed a person will decide to do in life whatever is most attractive and most pleasant. This, of course, leads to shipwreck.

A person walks down the street and smells popcorn. He cannot resist. His appetite decides what he eats. The attractiveness of the popcorn on the outside has made his decision for him. The disciplined person eats popcorn only when he needs it. His will controls his appetite. He decides what he looks at; he decides what he eats; he decides where he goes; he has control of himself. He is not a slave to appetites, pleasures, and passions.

How can one train a child to exercise such self-control? This is done by developing something on the inside that becomes more attractive than that which is on the outside. Then more pleasure is gotten inwardly by resistance than outwardly by yielding. For example, my son, David, is an athlete. During basketball season he does not drink carbonated drinks nor eat pastry. This is not to say that chocolate pie is not attractive. Quite to the contrary, it is most attractive, but there is something on the inside that is more attractive - the satisfaction of making the team, of being in good condition, and of pleasing the coach! Hence, the inward pleasure has overcome the competitive attractiveness of external pleasure. He has developed self-control. His will decides whether or not he eats chocolate pie. Hence, in this matter he is in control of himself. He is not a beast; he is a man. He derives more pleasure inwardly by not eating the chocolate pie than he would derive outwardly by eating it. As the parent develops such self-control within the child he must make the inward attractiveness so great that it is worth the hurt of being deprived the satisfying of the appetite. The pleasure of self-control must be greater than the pleasure of indulgence. If this can be done, the person is in control of his body rather than a slave to it.

One must then seek to find these things that can be more appealing. One is that of a goal. Lead the child to have in his mind the pleasure of attaining a certain goal. Teach him to let nothing stop him in attaining this desired end. For example, suppose a boy is saving to by a new bicycle. The wise parent will remind him over and over again of the desired goal so that no immediate appetite can rise up and capture some of his money. He continues to save toward this end even when the county fair comes to town. The boy looks at the county fair. He finds it so appealing to the outside that it competes with the inner desire to save for a bicycle. If he is trained properly, he will not sacrifice the reaching of the desired goal for a brief pleasure. The child should be led to have in his mind the pleasure of attaining a goal, and this internal satisfaction should be greater to him than the appeal from the sight of the bright lights, the smell of good food, etc. of the county fair.

Another internal competition is that of punishment. Punishment for wrong-doing is a necessary and vital part of rearing a child and developing his character. The punishment should always hurt more than the pleasure feels good. For example, a young man stays out thirty minutes late with his girlfriend and all he gets is a scolding or a spanking. Now what young man wouldn't be willing to trade a spanking for thirty minutes with a lovely girl! The wise parent will take the car away from the boy, ground him, and not let him be with his girlfriend for one week, Hence, he is trading an entire week for thirty minutes. This is not a good trade and he will be on time henceforth, for the punishment has brought more displeasure than the offense brought pleasure. In the mind of the boy that particular appetite will always have associated with it the punishment that was inflicted.

It might be wise for the parent to list the different appetites from which he wants his child to refrain. He then should make very plain to the child what the punishment is so the child will know whether or not refraining will be worth it.

Another internal competitor to outward attractions is that of pleasing and/or not hurting someone who cares. Here is a very strong internal pleasure or displeasure. If a close relationship can be developed between the parents and the child, the child will have an intense desire to please them. If he feels much displeasure and pain when he displeases Mom and Dad, then the external attraction will be limited by the thought of pleasing those he loves

Still another of these competitors against external pleasantness is the desire for praise. This is an important factor in rearing children. It is vital, however, that the parents praise character, not talent! It is more important that a child be praised for being punctual than for singing a song and that he be praised more for being honest or working hard than for displaying some talent. Character properly praised can do much to give the child control over his will so that he decides what appetites he fills and when he fills them.

The following paragraphs will list some general statements concerning self-control.

1. The child should be taught not to sacrifice a present good for a permanent one. Reference was previously made to a child's saving to buy a bicycle. The county fair came along and he faced a present pleasure versus a future pleasure. The word "no" should immediately have popped into his mind. Yes, the excitement and pleasures of the county fair are many, but there are many more pleasures spread over the bicycle. As Dr. Bob Jones, Sr. used to say, "Never sacrifice the future on the altar of the present."

2. The child should not be punished because he displeases the parents nor should he be rewarded simply on the basis of the parents' pleasure. In other words, the parent should not be guilty of the same offense from which he is trying to wean the child. The offense is that of responding because of external pleasure. This does not mean the child should not try to please the parent. It simply means that the reward should come because of the child's disciplining his will, and the punishment should come because the child does wrong. Children are often punished for restlessness as if it were an offense of the will. The mother who says to a child, "I am sick and tired of hearing our cry," and punishes the child because she is sick and tired is acting unwisely. Just as the child is being trained to use his will instead of external pleasures, so the wise parent will use his will in the punishment of a child and not external pleasures or displeasures derived from the child's behaviour.

3. The child should be taught that "ought" and "can" are synonymous. Someone has said, "You can do that what you ought to do." Emerson wrote, "So nigh is grandeur to our dust, so near is God to man, when duty whispers, `Lo thou must,' the youth replies, `I can.' "This is just another way to say that the wise young person is taught that he can do what he ought to do. My mother used to have me repeat the following three words over and over again, "I ought, I can, I will. I ought, I can, I will. I ought, I can, I will. I ought, I can, I will." Charles Sumner said, "Three things are necessary for success: first, backbone; second, backbone; third, backbone." An old proverb says, "Kites ride against the wind, not with the wind." Another say, "Only dead fish float with the stream; live ones swim against it."

4. Children should be taught to say "No!" A child should stand in front of a mirror and practice saying "no" in many ways. Gertrude Atherton wrote the novel, RULER OF THE KINGS. In it a rich man sent his boy to be reared in a poor home. The person rearing him required the boy to say "no" twenty times the first thing in the morning and twenty times the last thing at night. Plutarch said that the people of Asia became vassals largely because they could not say "no." My mother would get a bottle, put water in it, and pretend it was an alcoholic beverage. She then would say to me, "Son, would you like a bottle of beer?" My answer was to be an emphatic "NO!" Again she would say, "Son, how about a bottle of beer?" I would answer, "No!" Then she would say, "Son, do you want some wine?" My answer was "no." She would repeat the aforementioned questions many times so that later in life when I was really offered liquor I had associated the word "no" with beer, whiskey, wine, etc. so long that I would again say "No!" She did the same thing with cigarettes. She would pretend that she had a package of cigarettes and would ask me if I would like to have one. I would say, "No!" This was repeated many times. The wise parent will list the things from which he wants his child to refrain and will train the child to associate the word "no" with this particular thing. My mother would hold up a liquor ad and say, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no." She would then tear it up, throw it on the floor, and stomp on it, all the time saying, "No, no, no, no, no, no." She would then give me a liquor ad. I would say, "No, no, no, no, no, no." Then I would tear it up, throw it on the floor, and stomp on it saying, "No, no, no, no, no, no."

5. Children should be taught not to let the crowd influence them in any direction. Many fine parents have taught their children not to run with the crowd and their motives are good ones. This, however, is not a good, hard and fast rule. It would be better for the child to be taught not to let the crowd influence him either way. Theodore Munger said, "Suspect the crowd, resist it." The first part of that statement is unquestionably right. The last part is not always a good criterion. Suppose the crowd is going to church. Suppose the crowd is not drinking. Hence, it seems that it would be better for the child to be taught that he should not go because the crowd goes nor stay because the crowd stays. He should hold the scaled of right and wrong in his own hands and should decide what he does by his will. When a person refuses to go with the crowd just because the crowd is going, he is not acting from his own will. Again an external stimulus is the motivating him. The crowd should have nothing to do with his decision. Someone has said, "When I assent without thought to what another person says, when I do as he wishes without reasoning for myself, there is but one person present; I am nobody." I have said to my son many times, "Son, be your own man. do not let the crowd influence you either way." Though it is true that the crowd is usually wrong, and the Christian is often in the minority, it is not always the case. There will be times when a child would be wrong to refrain from what they are doing. The basis of judgment, however, should be on the matter of right and wrong, not who is doing it.

6. Teach the child not to fear unpopularity. It is not what others will think of me , but what I will think of myself. One should not fear being unpopular with others, but being unpopular with himself.

7. The parents should be consistent with punishment. The same offense should be punished in the same way so the child can learn a pattern of behavior. Suppose little Johnny stayed five minutes too long at Billy's house and his mother says, "Johnny, you can't play with Billy now for two days." Then the next time Johnny is late from Billy's house he should receive the same punishment, so it is registered in his mind that five minutes too much time with Billy will cause him to forfeit two days with Billy. Hence, the same offense has the same punishment. Johnny will be able to learn a pattern of behavior by knowing what the punishment is for each offense. Year ago I sat down and listed the most common offenses committed by the children. I then listed the punishment that I felt each offense warranted. After months of receiving the same punishment for each offense, the children began to associate certain wrongs with certain types of punishment which allowed them to weigh the price subconsciously before committing the crime. Far too many children do not know what the price is. One time the parent will spank a child for a particular wrong. The next time the child is sent to his room; the next time he is scolded for the same offense. Perhaps later the parent will overlook it completely until in the mind of the child there is developed a willingness to gamble, "Maybe this will be the time that Mom will do nothing or simply give me a lecture." When tempted he is often willing to chance it, for there is always that possibility that he will get by with it. If, however, he knew that without exception he would pay a certain penalty, and if that penalty brought more discomfort and displeasure than the wrong brought pleasure, he would realize there was not a chance in the world that he could get by without being punished. This leads to another very important thing in child rearing.

8. Always make the pain of the punishment far in excess of the pleasure of the wrong: For example, a boy comes in thirty minutes late from a date. He could have gotten home on time but he wanted to spend thirty minutes more with his girlfriend. he is scolded or maybe even spanked. Now what boy wouldn't be willing to get a spanking for thirty minutes more with his girlfriend? What boy wouldn't be willing to get a lecture in exchange for thirty extra exciting minutes? In such a case the parent might well forbid the boy from seeing his girlfriend for a week. When this punishment is meted out consistently for this offense, the boy will realize that he will always have to trade an entire week for thirty minutes if he stays out too late. In the aforementioned punishment there is also another important observation that should be made. The punishment should often involve the withdrawal of the thing which has been done in excess. In other words, the son should not be refused permission to be with a boy friend for a week. Most teenage boys would be glad to trade a week with a boyfriend for thirty minutes with a girlfriend, but grounding him from seeing the girl will hit him where it hurts and will do him more good.

9. Punishment should not be given because the parent is annoyed, but rather, because right has been offended and wrong has been committed. In other words, the child should not be punished because of personality weaknesses, but rather because of character weaknesses. Far too many of us demonstrate the opposite of what we are teaching! We teach our children to be motivated by the will rather than by external stimuli, but then we punish them strictly on the basis of external stimuli, such as when we are annoyed with their actions, etc.

10. Self-control in eating should be strongly emphasized from infancy. Parents are largely to blame for the appetites of their children. Instead of providing food on the basis of nourishing the body, building up tissue, supplying energy, etc., the supply food highly spiced that provokes appetite instead of satisfying it. Such food makes the child sluggish and dull instead of active, healthy, and vigorous. Hence, the child is taught he should eat what tastes good instead of what is good for him. If a family overfeeds a valuable horse, they are considered cruel. The purpose of food is to nourish the body. When eating is done just for the pleasure that results from the gratification of taste, the end is overeating, Overeating causes the body to perform its functions poorly and causes the person to be a slave to his appetites. The Apostle Paul reminds us in I Corinthians 10:31 that whatever we eat should be to the glory of God. Breeders of fine horses and dogs pay more attention to proper feeding than the average mother does for her children. Chickens are fed more carefully than children. From early childhood a child should be taught self-control in eating. He should be taught that the purpose of eating is to make the body healthy. Eating is to the body what filling the tank with gasoline is to the car. The body will run no better than its fuel allows. One does not buy gasoline for his car according to how it smells or how pretty it is; he buys it according to the performance it give to the car. This same rule should apply to our bodies. There is more, however, to the control of one's appetite than health alone. The desire for food is one of the few appetites that are developed early in life. Hence, if a child is taught self-control concerning eating, he will become master of his own will, and when other appetites are developed he will be able to exercise self-control in them also by transferring the character he has developed in to other areas of temptation. Why not feed the child apples, grapes, oranges, etc. instead of candy; fruit juices instead of carbonated drinks; nut, such as almonds and pecans, in the place of "snick-snacks"? Good food can be as delicious to the child as bad food, and proper diet can be as tasty as improper diet if the parent leads the child to develop tastes for that which is healthy and nourishing.

11. The will should control the temper. Controlling the temper means that one's will prevents expression of his inner feelings and thereby prevents reaction. Anger should be allowed or disallowed by the will. It is not wrong to become angry; however, it is wrong to become angry because we are annoyed or because we have been wronged. Usually our anger does not come from a hatred of wrong, but because we think we have been wronged. Hence, it comes from outside stimuli and this is why we "fly off the handle." Children should be taught to hate injustice and wrong. They must learn to be angry not because they have been wronged, but because someone whom they love has done wrong. Oftentimes a person who exhibits his temper will make such statements as, "I just get it off my chest and get it over with." This sounds very good but the truth is, it simply makes it easier for passion to follow the same path and to seek the same relief the next time his is offended. Hence, a habit is formed because the person has given way to anger. One reason anger is so deadly is that it defeats the one who is angry rather than the one who is the object of the anger. Someone said to me recently, "I was so mad I didn't know what I was doing." Such uncontrollable temper leads to murder, bad health, broken friendships, and perhaps worst of all, the breakdown of self-control which may be transferred into other areas until restraint is almost impossible and anger is an automatic reaction which divorces a person's actions from his will. Because of this a child should be taught to count to ten before he gives in to his feelings, for the time that is gained in counting to ten or in the thought of the ritual gives opportunity to reason before hasty action takes place. It gives the will time to collect itself in order to gain supremacy over the reaction. The wise man said, "A soft answer turneth away wrath." Another has said, "Govern your passions or they will govern you." Franklin said, "What error is begun in anger ends in shame." Jefferson said, "When angry count ten; when very angry, one- hundred."

12. Children should be taught to finish a task. Each job should be done completely and well. Never should the parent finish the task for the child. No food should be left on the plate and no satisfaction should be allowed for a job that goes unfinished. Napoleon once said, "Impossible is a word found only in the dictionary of fools." Hence, a task that is begun should be finished regardless of how difficult it is. The child who is allowed to let another finish a job that he starts does not develop self-control and later is found bouncing from one job to another, one school to another, etc.

This is especially true when a task is an unpleasant one. Teach him to fix his mind on the goal. Teach him the joy of accomplishing the goal and finishing the task. Teach him the shame of a task unfinished. Let him understand that he is being conquered when he does not finish an unpleasant task. Let the joy of doing a job well overcome the drudgery of the work itself.

I know one parent who listed all of the tasks that were unpleasant to his child. The parent led the child to call the tasks "Goliath" and himself "David." The child was taught to get angry at the tasks and refuse to be conquered by Goliath. When the child conquered a task the parent praised him, as David was praised when he defeated Goliath. Hence, work should be a challenge and perseverance should be a habit. This would teach the child to work hard, which in essence is a fruit of self-control. Fortunate is the child who is made to work hard.

In summary, character is habit and habit is formed by practice. I would list all of the things I wanted them to do and do well. Such things as how to answer the telephone properly, how to meet friends, how react when an adult enters the room, etc. were listed. Each evening we would practice one of these things. The boy would practice walking like a boy and the girls would practice walking like girls. They would practice sitting, standing, being graceful, being kind, etc. We would act out a sample situation and repeat it over and over again until certain reflexes would cause the child to respond automatically to certain stimuli. May God help us to teach our children to have self-control.

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Developing Proper Manners


Proper Manners

Someone has said, "Manners are the bridges which men build over the gulfs which separate them and their castles of self and over which they pass in their dealings with one another." Basically then the having of good manners is displaying the proper treatment, mingled with propriety, to one's fellowman. Better still, it is simply living by the golden rule. One word stressed to our young people above all other words should be "appropriate." It should be taught that training our children includes the ability to be appropriate in any given right situation without embarrassing one's fellowman. Our young people should be taught to know and exhibit proper behavior whether on the ball field, at a concert, in church, out fishing, or at home with the family. This page will deal with the proper development of manners for our children toward their fellowman.



1. Proper manners should be an appropriate outward expression of an inner feeling of goodwill toward our fellowman. In other words, manners are an outward expression of an inner feeling. Manners are therefore more than ritual and form. There should be a friendly and brotherly feeling of sympathy and helpfulness toward others. Good manners are simply the expression of this inner condition of the mind. Improper manners are an expression of an improper frame of mind and attitude toward others. Hence, the first way to instill good manners in the child is to instill in his heart a feeling of brotherly kindness and goodwill toward all human beings. This is brought about by possession of true Bible meekness. The word "meek" in the Bible implies "equality." A person who possesses true meekness says not, "I am as good as you are," but rather, "You are as good as I am." This philosophy should be the foundation of good manners, for when it is present, manners will take care of themselves.

Courtesy, then, becomes simply the expression of the state of one's mind. This is not to say we are not to be courteous if we do not have a mind to do so. We should exhibit courtesy even if it is mere form, but courtesy in its purest sense is when the proper behavior toward others expresses the proper attitude toward him. The courteous man says, "You are my equal and I have a friendly feeling toward you." The discourteous person says, "You are not my equal and I am not interested in you. I am interested only in myself." Manners become symbols which indicate without words a friendly disposition of one's mind toward his fellowman. When he shakes hands his is using an ancient custom which was brought about by the giving of one's right hand to another making his hand engaged so he would be unable to fight. It is the joining of two fighting hands and the voluntary giving of one's weapon in battle. Hence, it is a symbol which say, "I do not want to hit you. I do not want to fight you, for I feel friendly toward you."

In the early days when a warrior came to someone with whom he did not want to fight, he took off his helmet. Hence, we take off our hats today in the presence of a friend. This is to tell him, "I do not want to war with you and I feel so confidently that you do not want to war with me that I am willing to remove that which guards the safety of my head." Again, here is a symbol of the inner condition of one's heart.

2. Proper manners will create this inner goodwill. It is somewhat like the hen and the egg. Each reproduces the other. Our goal is for the child to have the proper feeling toward others so as to generate good manners. On the other hand, this proper feeling is often created by good manners themselves. The help produce the feeling for which they are the sing. Put a sour look on one's face and in turn he will have a sour feeling in his heart. Consequently, in a sense, each man creates his own atmosphere. A smile on one's face will soon put a smile in his heart. This is one of the main reasons why proper dress is important. How we dress and behave can determine how we feel inwardly. In turn, how we feel inwardly helps us dress and behave more properly.

3. Proper manners should first be exhibited at home. This, of course, is because the habits are formed at home. Children should be taught to say happily, "Good-morning," to those at home, to use the word "please" when they ask a favor, to be generous with the phrase, "thank you", and to be unselfish, especially toward their parents. One of the most important things in rearing a child to have good manners is to teach that child to prefer his parents. He should always be seeking the comfort and pleasure of them, seeing to it that Mom and Dad get the most comfortable chairs, their favorite positions, etc. Many parents think this would be selfishness on their part, which is not true at all! Their motive for teaching their child this type of behavior is not so the parent will enjoy life more but so that the child will exhibit proper manners at home which will later be transferred to those outside the home. Confuscius said, "Eat at your own table as you would eat at the table of the king."

Emphasis should be placed on proper manners at the table in the child's home. He should learn to seat himself properly, sit properly, wait until his turn to be served, etc. He should be taught the proper way of holding a fork, the placing of a napkin on his lap, proper chewing of the food, and other basic manners so often forgotten in our generation. He should not be allowed to reach across the table. He should refrain from expressions of dislike for certain foods. These manners should be practiced. We have learned that character is the developing of the proper habits. The proper habits can be developed only through practice. Much practice should be given concerning proper table manners and home courtesies.

One of the most important things a child should be taught is to be cheerful at home since cheerfulness and cleanliness are both contagious. We must be careful to affect others properly with our personalities. A child should be taught to laugh. (Of course, this should also be done with propriety and temperance.) Laughter makes one more healthy. It causes the heart to beat faster and sends the blood bounding through the body. When a person laughs, respiration is increased, the eye brightens, the chest expands, bad air is forces out of the lungs, the internal organs are caused to vibrate, etc. Laughter has a good effect on the liver and gastric juices. In some cases physicians have prescribed laughter. One doctor even gave a patient this prescription: "Laughter to be taken five minutes every three hours." A cheerful spirit at home will help to create a proper state of mind and a proper state of mind can create proper manners.

4. Being punctual is one of the essentials for good manners, for not being on time is one of the great injustices that one human being can do to another. Lack of promptness and punctuality is really stealing. It is stealing the other person's time. It is also lying, for it is a failure to keep promises.

Napoleon was always ahead of time. He said, "Every moment lost is an opportunity for misfortune." Lord Nelson, the English admiral, said that his success was largely attributed to the fact that he was always on time. He said he gave himself a quarter of an hour extra time. This allowed for accidents.

Matthew's said that men who are habitually behind time are habitually behind success. Napoleon said he beat the Austrians because they did not know the value of five minutes.

A man once spent some time in Benjamin Franklin's book shop. He was looking at a certain book and asked its price. The salesman replied that it cost $1. The customer asked to see Benjamin Franklin about the price. Although Franklin was very busy the man would not be satisfied until he was called. He then proceeded to tell Mr. Franklin how much he wanted the book, for what purpose, etc. and asked for the lowest price Mr. Franklin could place on the book. Franklin replied, "$1.25." The man was stunned and said, "All your clerk asked was $1."
....."Yes," said Franklin, "but you have taken my time which is worth far more than a quarter." The man objected an finally asked again what the price was. Franklin replied. "The price is now $1.50 for you have taken more of my time." The man immediately paid $1.50 and left the store.

Parents should constantly stress to their children the importance of promptness and punctuality. This is why churches should start their services on time. School teachers should stress thee importance of arriving in class on time, in order that the child may form habits of punctuality for his future life.

A child should get up on time, got to bed on time, come home from school on time, and keep all of his appointments. Promptness is doing the duty now. It is doing a task on time. The mind should receive an indelible impression of the time an appointment is to be kept and it should be kept without fail.

5. There is some definite manners that the parent should practice and rehearse with the child.

(1) Standing when an adult walks into the room.
(2) Introducing one's self properly to a stranger. For instance, Hyles is an unusual name. I have found it best to spell it out when I give my name to a stranger.
(3) Properly introducing one's friend to another. (4) Shaking hands. Young men should especially spend much time practicing shaking hands with attention given to a firm handshake and to looking the person in the eye while speaking.
(5) Walking. Girls should be taught to walk like ladies and boys should be taught to walk like men.
(6) Sitting gracefully. Boys should be taught to sit like men and girls should be taught to sit like ladies.
(7) Answering the telephone. Something like, "Good morning, this is Johnny Doe," would be appropriate. Perhaps some families would prefer, "This is the Doe residence; Johnny is speaking."
(8)The giving of a seat by a young man to a lady.
(9)Using proper table manners.
(10) Not interrupting another who is speaking.
(11) Showing courtesy to strangers, aged people, and guests.
(12) Respecting age and showing preference to one's elders.
(13) Avoiding slang and profane speech. The use of slang implies that one goes along with the crowd as they are affected by the desire to be popular. It implies that one is not a strong personality, that his vocabulary is very limited, and that he does not have the proper words at his command to express his meaning properly. It implies the lack of will power. It implies the lack mental maturity and propriety.
(14) Not complaining, grumbling, finding fault.
(15) Refraining from disturbing the enjoyment of others by talking loudly and laughing in public.
(16) Having personal dignity and self-respect.
(17) Exercising good manners in business. Professor Shaler of Harvard once said in "The Citizen" that his own observations show that more young men fail from lack of manners than from any other one cause. It is amazing and appalling how many people go to the bank to borrow money improperly dressed and with a crude kind of manners. Young men should be taught to wear suits and ties and proper clothing, to give their names properly, shake hands, and to present their business articulately. Here
(18)Behaving properly in public meetings. (19)Using proper terms, such as "Thank you," "Please." "Your welcome," "Pardon me," "Excuse me," etc.
(20)Answering the door.

These and other manners and courtesies must not be taught once and forgotten. They must be repeated over and over again. They must be rehearsed and practiced until the child responds to each situation by reflex. Someone has said, "No one can disgrace us but ourselves." Carlyle once said, "Good breeding remembers the rights of others; low breeding insists upon one's own rights."

In this day when an arrogant, cocky, know-it-all manner seems to be popular, we should start early in the lives of our children in training them to feel properly toward their fellowmen and to express this feeling with proper manners. The word "appropriate" should be stressed over and over again and propriety should be practiced until the child is courteous and proper by instinct so as never to embarrass himself, his family, or his friends.

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Teaching Reverence For God

God created man that He might have fellowship with him. When sin broke this fellowship God initiated a plan whereby it might be restored. No life is a success unless it has been used as a preparation for the next life. Regardless of the accomplishments a person makes, his life is a failure unless he is prepared for dying. Now what does this have to do with early childhood? Simply this: A child that is taught reverence for God when he is yet too young to understand the plan of redemption will quickly accept Christ when he is old enough to understand what it is all about. One of the great secrets to making this kind of an early response is to have developed in childhood a deep and an abiding reverence for God. The wise parent will prepare his child for acceptance of salvation and dedication of life by teaching him how to attain such reverence.



1. He should be taught to respect all kinds of superiority, such as old age, skill, scholarship, parents, teachers, leaders, etc. As he respects superiority, he will then by force of habit respect the greatest Superiority of all when he comes to understand what salvation is all about.

2. He should be taught to have in his disciplined schedule a quiet time. This is time he should spend alone talking to and thinking about God. This should be done at the same time every day and should be done without fail. He is developing a habit that will render him blessings and success in later life.

3. He should be shown the universe and its grandeur. Read to him Psalms 8 and 19. Take him for a walk at night and show him the wonders and the immensity of the heavens. Teach him to say, "Twinkle, twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are, Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky," Teach your child, "Star light, star bright, First star I've seen tonight; I wish I may, I wish I might, Have the wish I wish tonight." Tell him that God made the heavens. Explain to him that most of those stars are bigger than our earth. Tell him how far away they are and how wonderful is God's universe. Teach him that God made the universe. Lead him to stand in awe over the greatness of God and the wonders of the heavens.

4. He should be taught of the wonders of life. Show him ants, bees, etc. who live in our world and yet, in a sense, who live each in his own world. Tell him off the ant, for example. Read in an encyclopedia some of the characteristics of the ant. Let the child become intrigued with the intelligence of some supreme being, even our God, Who made the wonders of nature. Teach him to believe in God because of the arrangement of God's world. This kind of reverence comes from knowledge rather than superstition. Realization of the wonder and beauty of God's world will lead the child to have reverence for the Creator. Show him the plants in the spring and the trees in the autumn. Let him see the cloud formations, the sunset, the early morning, the big dipper, the little dipper, the milky way, and the evening star. Let him hear the birds sing. Constantly call his attention to these things, reminding him Who is behind it all. At the end of each day ask the child what he has seen today that is beautiful and that was made by God. Make this a little ritual. See to it that the little child's mind is fixed upon God regularly at he same time every day. See that he interweaves the day's activities with the workings of God. This will create habits that will be with him all of his life.

5. Indelibly imprint in the mind of the little child that the Bible is the Word of god and that Jesus is the Son of God. When I was a little boy my mother used to hold the Bible before me and say, "Son, the Bible is the Word of God. Say it, son." I would repeat, "The Bible is the Word of God." Again and again this was repeated. Then my mother would say, "Son, the Bible is about Jesus. Jesus is the Son of God. Say it, son." I would then reply, "Jesus is the Son of God." Then she would ask me to say it again and again and again and again until it was indelibly imprinted in my mind: the Bible is the Word of God and Jesus is the Son of God! Charles Darwin with his theory of evolution has turned many young lives away from the Bible and God. It is said that when he was a young man he was a great lover of poetry, but because of his desire for scientific achievement did not develop this side of his nature. Later when he had time to enjoy poetry he found he could not enjoy it, for he had not developed this particular appetite and it had died from inactivity. It is so important that our children not only be taught reverence, but they must be taught to have reverence and to offer reverence and adoration to God even before they are old enough to know how to be saved.

6. When the little child has done wrong, explain to him that the punishment you are giving is given from God and that you are acting as God's representative in meting out the punishment. Let Him know that it is not the parent who sets right and wrong or determines what is sin; it is God Who does that. Let the child know that it is not the parent's idea to punish but hat he has been instructed by God to punish. On the other hand, let the child know that the good things which happen to him and are done for him and given to him by the parent are actually gifts from God. In other words, that which the parent does for and to the child which is Scriptural should be explained to the child. he should know that the things we do to and for him which are Scriptural are things we do at God's command. This will make God part of our every day conversation and the child will grow up not feeling ill at ease when he talks about God. 7. The child should be taught to respect the man of God and revere his office. A little girl once drew a picture. Her father asked her what the picture was. She replied, "It is a picture of God." The father chuckled and said, "Well, sweetheart, no one knows what God looks like." "They do now," the child replied. Dr. John Rice has a grandson who went to health class at school and came home and told his parents, "Today we learned all about mouth-to-mouth recreation!" Yes, children are impressionable and if they can be taught reverence for God, it will be much easier for them to accept God's Christ when they understand that He died for them. Of course, reverence should be created with a constant emphasis on high ideals and morals and with the proper example from the mother and father.

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How To Form The Proper Habits In A Child


Habits make character. If one forms good habits, he will have good character. If he forms bad habits, he will have bad character. The word "character" comes from a word which mean "to cut" or "to engrave." Each time an act is performed a deeper groove is made until one has done a certain thing so often in a particular way that it is difficult to change. H. W. Shaw said, "It is easy to assume a habit; but when you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all." The more that one has the same emotion or action the more it deepens the track and the easier it is to be repeated. This is true when a child is taught to eat, to button his clothes, to tie his shoes, to dress himself, etc. At first he has to think to do it. He does the same thing until it is done without his will or thoughts. He can now tie his shoes and never think what he is doing. He can walk with a thousand other things on his mind. He can dress himself without thinking. He has developed a habit. The action has been indelibly impressed on the nervous system. The parent who wants his child to grow up to be a good, strong person will be disappointed if he does not from the right habits in him. These habits must be formed by repetition until he does thing entirely automatically with no thought or will behind his actions. Hence, his tasks are not performed by present effort but by past preparation.

Once a war veteran was carrying a sack of potatoes when suddenly someone who wanted to pull a joke on him shouted, "Attention!" Instinctively the ex-soldier brought both hands to his side and the potatoes fell in the street. The more we live by doing right automatically and the more our good habits save us the making of excessive choices, the better we will be and the more we will do. Precarious is the life of a person whose daily actions have not become habitual and who must exercise his will every time he does something. He will become tired in his work, more laborious in his deliberations, and less efficient in all he does. Those who have to use their wills for every momentary matter of business without the help of habit are not a efficient as those who have learned to become disciplined enough to make their actions mechanical. Someone has said that habit is a labor-saving device that causes the disciplined person to get along with less fuel. The wise personnel officer checks concerning his applicant's habits; those of honesty, gambling, etc.. Proper habits can write a check that is always redeemable.

Samuel Johnson wrote, "The change of habits is in general too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken." It is said that on Plato's ring there was a motto written, "It is easier to prevent ill habits than to break them."

History is filled with the names of great men whose accomplishments were aided by their mental ability. This hall of heroes would include Einstein, Edison, and many others. Yet, along side these names would be the names of others who did not become men of renown because of their mental genius but because of their character and their loyalty to habit. Such men as Livingston, Franklin, Lincoln, Luther, and others teach us that a man of character with average intelligence can do the work of a genius. This is true because character seeks talent. The proper character seeks out the talent necessary to perform a job, whereas talent often flees from character. Talent often does not recognize its need for character. Character always recognizes it need for talent.

The argument for character and habit having been presented, we now advance the following suggestions as ways and means of creating proper habits in the life of a child.

1. Have the child perform the same proper thing over and over again. The action should be performed frequently and continuously. No opportunity to do it should be missed and no break should be made in its regularity. No omission should be allowed. The tendency to act spontaneously can become ingrained in a child only in direct proportion to the uninterrupted frequency which the child does the act. Do it; do it again; do it again and again and again. Keep doing it. Do it regularly. Epictetus said, "If you would make a thing a habit, do it." Horace Mann said, "Habit is a cable; we weave a thread of it each day and it becomes so strong we cannot break it."

2. Teach the child to do regularly now what he wants to do later habitually. Never let him be guilty of such statements as, "When I get to be a man I am going to do thus and so." Unless the habits of diligence, punctuality, etc. are formed as a boy, there will be no great accomplishments that come suddenly as man. One day a father returned from a bear hunt. His young boy said, "I'll be glad when I get to be a man so I can hunt some bears," whereupon his father replied, "Son, there are some little bears in the forest too!" I have watched young people for years. I have seen ministerial students who prepared themselves in college to do something later, but they did nothing in college. I have seen other students who formed the proper habits of work, study, etc. in college. They continued using these habits in their lives and success became inevitable. Teach the child, "Do it now! Do it now!" One who is not courageous as a boy will not suddenly do courageous acts as a man.

3. Help the child build a schedule. Disciplined people live by schedule. I am writing this chapter in my hotel room in Green Lake, Wisconsin. In the lobby of this hotel there are dozens of Christian workers sitting around talking. I have scheduled my day so as to spend some time writing these truths. Because of that I cannot enjoy the extravagance of what they call "fellowship." If I am successful and get my work done, I must follow my schedule with strict discipline. Take the child out in the snow. Have him walk over the snow one time. Then tell him to retrace his steps. Now it is easier to walk, for he is taking the same path. Have him continue to follow the same path over and over again. Notice how a regular path is formed because the particles have been pressed down. Soon he will take the path unconsciously because he has trodden it so many times. Due to this fact the path is easier to tread. The same is true with habit. It is acquired when one disciplines himself by schedule. Train the child at an early age to do so. He should get up at the same time every morning. He should go to bed at the same time each evening. He should eat his meals a near the same time each day as possible. He should brush his teeth at the same time and the same place. He should bathe at the same time daily. Even if his body is not dirty enough to demand a bath, habit is certainly a worthy reason for regular bathing. Maybe he could have a regular night to wash his hair etc. Routine and schedule are vital aids in the building of habit which is necessary in the building of character.

4. The parent must be the example for the child. He must be what he wishes the child to become. Hence, the child will see a living visual aid of what he should become. The parent must not fail to be prompt. regular, responsible, truthful, etc. He must be the embodiment of the truths that he teaches.

5. Make the child do what he does not especially like to do. Suppose a girl does not like doing the dishes. The mother should then force the girl to do them regularly until doing the dishes becomes habit, routine, and perhaps even enjoyable. Find the habits that each child does not enjoy and does not do promptly. Nothing that is right to do should ever become distasteful to the child. It should be repeated over and over again. If it is a distasteful chore, it can become habitual. Hence, it will be done because the will is not brought into action each time the act is performed.

6. Teach the child that if he wants to avoid bad habits, he should not do something bad even the first time. If something is not done for the first time, it will not become a habit. He who does not tell the first lie will not become a liar. He who does not steal the first thing will not become a thief. He who does not drink his first drink will not become an alcoholic. He that never utters a profane word will not become a profane person. There can be no habit until there is a second. Take the child to the top of a steep slide. Have him get on a sled. Tell him to decide halfway down the hill that he wants to return and see what success he has. The place to decide is before he takes the first step. Young people like to say, "I know when to stop." This may be true. A person can know WHEN to stop but habit will not let him stop. That which one does not want to make habitual should not be done the first time!

7. It is good for a child to admit publicly a decision to do right and quit doing wrong. This is why it is wise in churches for a child to walk the aisle during the invitation and declare to the pastor a decision he is making. It is often wise for the pastor to make public that decision so as to commit the child publicly. The wise parent will suggest that his child walk the aisle when he makes his spiritual decisions declaring to someone else what he intends to do. This will make it harder for him to change his mind, and better still, to change his actions.

8. See that the children associate with people with habit. Encourage them to be around orderly people when they are very little. See to it that family friends are people of order, discipline, and character. Make heroes of such people in the mind of the child. Soon he will emulate the right kind of people.

9. Have some family rituals that will necessitate schedule and discipline, thereby teaching the child routine and habit. When the children are very young there may be a certain night of the week when certain things are done. Perhaps one night could be eating- out night, one night could be game night, one night could be midnight snack night, etc. The more things than can be done at the same time each day or each week the more the child's schedule will govern his life. The more habit can prevent the overexercising of his will, the more he will avoid the making of an excessive number of decisions, for these decisions are made by reflex, by schedule, by discipline, by routine, etc.

10. There should be regularity and order at home. There should be a time and place for everything. Towels should always be kept on the same shelf. The dishes should always be at the same place. Meals should be served at the same time, and in general, there should be an order, a proper arrangement, and regularity about the activities and events at home.

A church that starts on time, presents only those musical numbers that are properly planned and presented, and in general does things always decently and in order, will teach a perennial lesson to its young people and children: that God's work should be done in the best way possible and that no slothfulness or haphazard performances should be associated with the Lord's work. With the home, church, and school working together as examples of order and regularity, the child will be reared in an atmosphere of discipline and proper habit. Consequently, he will have a greater opportunity to develop good character. If he sees smiles, he will smile more himself. If he sees the parent being frugal and punctual, the pastor exemplifying integrity and discipline, and the teacher being an example of regularity and order, he himself will soon reflect his environment and those who create it.

11. The parent should always attach the result with the act. The words "drink" and "drunkard" should be associated. The words "dope" and "addict" should be associated. The words "lazy" and "poverty" should be associated.

Psychologically the child should be trained to associated the end with the act. In other words, the child should always know to what the act will lead. Show him some people who are at the end of the road he wants to travel. Let him see alcoholics and remind him that they once took their "first" drink. Take him to skid row and show him the end of the first step. Take him to a neighborhood where poverty prevails and show him where laziness often ends. Fix in his mind always the distasteful end of a presently tasteful wrong.

How many time have wrongdoers said, "I did not think!" This is so true. "Rightdoers" can also say the same thing. When a person has to think to do right, he has not developed the proper character. If by habit he does right, he can truthfully say, "I did not think." The person who develops the wrong habits can truthfully say, " I simply did not think before I did it." If he had to think first. The groove would have been so deep because of the habitual performance of right that he would not have done wrong. Remember, character is habit! Habit is formed by the proper and continuous repetition of doing right.

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That dirty 4-letter word WORK

"Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest. How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man." (Proverbs 6:6-11)

No parent can be successful in rearing a child unless he teaches the child to work hard. No child can develop character without developing a willingness to work and an affinity for work. God did for man a great favor when He told him he would earn his bread by the sweat of his brow. The old proverb says, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." Someone has said, "Idleness is the mother of sin." So really when God commanded man to work He was commanding him to be moral and to have a right outlet for nerve force which if not used, would find vent in wrong outlets. Hence, God uses labor to train us in obedience, self-control, perseverance, etc. Work is a tool which God uses to make men. In order to make men and women of character out of our boys and girls, we must teach them to work.

1. Teach them very early to help in the home. In the earliest years of a child's life he has a natural instinct to help. Girls like to "play house" and dust, scrub, wash, sweep, make doll dresses etc. Boys like to "play store" and make things. It is then that the child wants to help, and work is play to him. The wise parent will be careful not to destroy this instinct. During these early formative years the child should be taught that work is not a burden. It is not an evil, but rather something in which he can delight. Do not associate in the child's mind that work is drudgery. Seize upon the natural instinct that God has given a little child by teaching him that work is proper, normal, and yes, even delightful.

2. Encourage the child to make his own toys. Is seems to me unwise to buy too many toys. Perhaps it would be better to buy the child the tools enabling him to make his own toys. The parent could join the child as he makes his toys and perhaps even things for the home. Hence, the child will be far ahead of the other children. He has been trained to realize that if he buys it, he forfeits the fun of making it. Even the tiniest of toys I ever had, I made myself. I can recall making carts, cars, scooters that had skates for wheels, slingshots, sleds, kites, etc. Girls could make doll clothes, doll house furnishings, etc. Not only doest this teach the children initiative, but it also makes them thrifty.

3. Children should help in household tasks. At a very early age children should be taught to clean their rooms and make their beds. It should be their regular duty and if the performance is less than acceptable, the parent should not correct it, but point out to the child the weaknesses, thus teaching him to finish the job he has started. There are many chores that even a little child can do around the house such as making the beds, wiping the dishes, cleaning the room, emptying the garbage cans, taking care of pets, setting the table, etc. Regular duties should be given the child when he is old enough to begin.

4. The child should be taught that he is a part of a team and that he is slack at his job is he does not work. He should think of himself as an integral part of society, a part that is essential to the whole. He must feel each of us must work to do some service for the rest of us and that if one person does not do his work, he is not being fair to others. It is like one player on a team not doing his best. An old proverb say, "An idle man is of no more use than a dead man and take up more room." It is not right or fair as members of this great team of labor.

5. Teach the child to do his best at whatever he does. When he does his best brag on him and magnify his efforts. When he doesn't do his best let your disappointment be shown. Of course, this is only workable when the parent has built a close relationship with the child so that the child's heart will be broken when he displeases the parent. We are admonished in the Scriptures to do everything that we do with all our might. Someone has said, "He who is afraid of doing too much always does too little." By constant reminder and praise the wise parent impresses indelibly in the mind of the child that anything that is worth doing is worth doing right. The job should always be done a little bit better than when someone else does it. It has been said that there are three classes of people: those fail to do all their duty, those who do all of their duty, and those who do a little more than their duty. The first lose their positions; the second hold them; and the third are promoted.

6. The child should not be allowed to think that labor which is done with the hands is dirty work. Parents should make all work honorable and insist on honest, hard work. No matter what the work is, if it is honest and well done, it is dignified and honorable. Let him know that every job has its own particular charms and interests, and the more he knows about the job the more interesting it becomes. Hence, whatever one does, if he does it well, he should feel a sense of pride and accomplishment.

The child should not be afraid of perspiration or hard work. Whatever his job, if it is a proper one and if it helps society, it should develop a sense of pride. Of course, if this attitude is developed, it is because the parent stresses it to the child. This means that one should prepare himself properly for any task and give himself to it completely. The more he knows about the job the more interesting it will become.

7. The child should be encouraged to have constructive hobbies. Even leisure can be work, and work can be rest. Rest is simply the changing from the use of one set of nerves and muscles to another. The postman rests in an air-conditioned room; the executive rests by taking a walk or hike. City folk rest by going to the country for the weekend; country folk rest by going to the city for the weekend. George Bernard Shaw once said, "Happy is the man that makes his living at his hobby." A famous baseball star said that he was happy because he was getting paid for what he preferred to do. If the child can be taught to use his spare time constructively, he is a few steps ahead of the others. The making of model airplanes and handcraft can help the child prepare for either a vocation or an avocation. Hence, he is taught to enjoy work rather than leisure and that part of his life which is not given to his vocation can be a constructive part. Many of the greatest works ever written were written by men who were employed in fields other than writing, but who used their leisure for writing. Marcus Aurelius wrote his meditations in moments of rest.

8. Teach a child to choose an occupation that helps mankind. There are many jobs that are of no service to one's fellow human beings. Children should be taught to respect the work of the carpenter, doctor, merchant, preacher, farmer, garbage collector, baker, merchant, lawyer, etc. A vocation should not be chosen because it is one's preference or solely because one enjoys doing it. High on the list of criteria should be its service to fellowman and its making of a part of this aforementioned team of society. No occupation should be just a means to make a living but rather a means of service to others.

Young people should be encouraged to play sports as a hobby but not to consider professional sports. They should enjoy music but not consider a professional career in music. Of course, no one should enter a profession that caters to the lower instincts and hinders society. Such professions as working a factory that produces liquor or tobacco and being a bartender, a barmaid, etc. should be taboo. Every vocation should be one of service and one that helps our fellowman. One of the finest statements in the Bible is said of David when it was said of him that he "served his own generation by the will of God." (Acts 13:36)

Once there was a man who inherited a good name and much money. He did not participate in the life of his community; he dedicated his life to riotous living. He went through the money, spent it on pleasure, and died leaving his money to another. However, a small portion of his money was left to a publisher with instructions to the publisher to prepare an issue his biography. When the book was finished it was beautiful and costly. The binding was elaborate. There was a title page and picture of the deceased. Then on page one was recorded the day of his birth. On the last page of the book was recorded the date of his death. The rest of the book was simply expensive blank paper. The biographer was saying that this man was born and died and in between did nothing for others. How sad! It is sadder, however, to realize how few parents instill in the minds of their children the importance of choosing a profession that will benefit society.

9. Stress should be given that one should work hard even without an overseer. Teach the child that someone is always watching. Tell him about that great cloud of heavenly witnesses in Hebrews 12:1. While he is very young lead him to realize that those in the family that have gone on to Heaven are watching.

10. Do not associate success to genius. A genius comes along only occasionally. Most of us are just common, average people with common, average minds. Hence, the difference between success and failure is not genius, it is hard work! This means working while others sleep, toiling while others play, and planning while others idle away their time.

I know many great men. Few of them have brilliant minds but all are hard workers who use all the ability they possess. By all means, stress to the child that success is caused not by genius or by being a mental giant, but rather, by hard work, diligence, discipline, etc.

11. Make no provision for failure. This has been a motto of my life. Such statements as "What should I do if I fail?" should not even be tolerated. If provision is made for failure, then thought must be given to failure. If thought is given to failure, then one has considered the possibility of failing. Such possibilities should never be considered. There is too much stress on being a "good loser." Now to be sure when losses do come, outwardly we should accept them gracefully, but inwardly we should despise defeat! No child should be taught to accept defeat gracefully inwardly. He should hate defeat. He should make no provision for failure and should be surprised if it comes.

Many of us brag on our child more if he loses gracefully than if he wins. We are in some sense guilty of raising a generation of people who like to lose. We need to build a generation of people with a passion to win! If one plans to win, he will make no provision for failure.

12. No child should have to bear the burden of having a lot of money left to him. James Fargo, as President of the American Express Company, once said, "If I were worth a hundred million, I would make my son earn his living. It is wrong to bring up boys to be gentlemen loafers." Rather than leaving children a lot of money, why not leave them what will make them money and give them the privilege of earning it themselves!

13. The child should be taught to work cheerfully. His parents should set the example of enjoying their work. It is actually possible for one to look forward to a "day on" and to a "day off." This is the way it ought to be. To say the least, a day at work should not be considered worse than a day at home, and a day of toil should not be considered worse than a day of rest. Each is a diversion from the other. Hence, work should be approached and done cheerfully, happily, and enthusiastically. This will take away the despair that often comes when one has to work on what is otherwise a day off. It will remove grumbling when overtime is necessary, and it will certainly equip the child with the tools that can take him to the top.

14. Teach him that all work is an art and a way of expression. Hence, one should look upon himself as an artist regardless of what type of work he does. When a bricklayer becomes an artist he becomes a builder. When a typist becomes an artist she becomes a secretary. When a meat cutter becomes an artist, he becomes a butcher. When the carpenter becomes an artist, he becomes a builder. When a cook becomes an artist, he becomes a chief. When a speaker becomes an artist, he becomes an orator. When a bookkeeper becomes an artist, he is an accountant. When a plumber becomes an artist, he is a pipefitter. When a custodian becomes an artist, he is a maintenance engineer. No work, no matter how slight or insignificant, should be despised. Whether one is sweeping out the place, mending socks, mowing yards, or shoveling snow, he should be an artist about it. It is somewhat sad that in our day the assembly line at the factory has eliminated such pride in one's work, but even with the assembly line the wise worker will develop pride an consider his work an art.

15. A child should be taught that hard work is healthy. No one can reach his peak of physical health unless he has learned to work. Work is nature's medicine. Just as idleness rusts and decays a machine so the disuse of a muscle causes it to shrivel. The doctors find agreement in the fact that many men and women are in sanatoriums because of a lack of good, hard, steady work. In such places patients are put to work immediately. Especially is this true in case that suffer nervous disorders. Without work the body becomes weak and the brain deteriorates. A girl should be taught that work is a beauty aid and the boy should be taught that work is a body-building device. Parents should point to heroes and remind the children that they obtained their positions through hard work.

16. Young people should be taught trades. A poll was taken in one penitentiary which revealed that 90% of the convicts answered "no trade" on a questionnaire. In a certain period there were 3,154 boy admitted. Not one of them had a trade. Consequently, all of them were taught trades and only 14% of the returned!

During the period that a young person is usually taught a trade he is also facing his greatest temptations. Hence, the learning of the trade keeps him busy at a time when his mind is most susceptible to temptation.

In some ancient societies it was a low that no man was under obligation to support his father when his father became aged if his parents had not taught him a trade in his youth. Perhaps this is a little severe but it does not alter the fact that the wise father will teach his son a trade, and the wise mother will carefully and deliberately teach her daughter to prepare for marriage and motherhood with the same diligence that a physician prepares for his vocation.

17. Always compliment the task that is finished and done well. The reward method is an important one to a child. He should always associate completion with rewards. To the contrary he would always associate failure and an unfinished task with disappointment on the face of one he loves.

18. The child should be taught to accomplish the hardest and most distasteful part of the task first. Perhaps he should eat first the vegetable he likes least. Perhaps he should mow the hardest part of the yard first. This helps to prevent the awful sin of procrastination.

There are many other things that parents should teach their children concerning the proper development of work habits such as teaching them to choose their heroes from ones who have worked their way from the bottom to the top, teaching them to choose a profession that will enable them to leave something for others when they are gone, teaching them to be thrifty and yet generous with money earned, etc., but in it all there should shine forth an ability to work and the dignity of labor.

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Teaching Independence and Self-Reliance

Our world today is crying for leadership, for someone whom the crowd will follow. Such a one must not follow the crowd. He must learn to stand on his own feet, to be his own man, and to be self-reliant. Hence, the child must be taught to think for himself and believe in himself. A planned course of action should be plotted by every parent to train his child so he will not feel he is dependent on society, but rather can make his own way, holding his head high and being his own man. In order to achieve this goal there are certain ingredient which are vital.

Someone has said that men are cast iron while children are clay. Hence, the subject matter covered in this chapter is not for the adult to attach awkwardly to his molded character, but rather for the child to learn and do while his character is being molded.

1. Encourage him to solve his own problems as often as possible. Encourage him to express his own ideas.

2. Lead the child to think always, "Is there any way to improve upon this?" This does not mean that he imposes his will outside his own sphere of occupation. It does mean, however, that in his own mind he should think over and over again about as many matters as possible, "Can I think of any way to improve on this?" Even if he is not asked and does not have the opportunity to put into action these thoughts, He is nevertheless preparing himself for improvements when the opportunity is presented. Along these same lines teach him to think of a solution to all problems. A person who wants to help others will be ready to help when the opportunity presents itself. This does not mean he should be bothersome and enter into an area where he is not welcome or needed. It does mean, however, that he should be ready to help if he is asked to help. Consequently, the more problems that one can find solutions to the more available he will be when his help is needed or asked.

God will always provide the opportunity in His own time for a prepared man.

3. Teach the child initiative. Initiative is simply the doing of something without being told. If there is a job to be done, the child does it. It also implies self-confidence and self- reliance. Emerson said, "Trust thyself." Initiative teaches one to do this.

4. Whenever possible give the child a choice between two or three courses of action. In other words, say to him, "Here are three choices. You cannot do them all, but you must do one." Let the child choose. The parent should say, "Johnny, you may have either this one or that one. You may go either this way or that way." (Be sure that both choices are morally right.) "You may wear this garment or that garment. You may eat this food or that food." In other words, the parent should find some choices either of which is acceptable to him. Let the child make a choice thereby getting him into the habit of making decisions on his own. Once the choice is made, be sure the child is held firmly to his decision. He is being taught to be a person of decision. Note carefully he is not being taught to choose between right and wrong. He is being taught to choose the most beneficial right. Again, remember, do not allow him to waver after he has made his choice. Someone once asked Alexander what was the cause of his success. He answered, "Deliberate with caution and then act with decision."

5. Teach the child to make a quick decision once he has thought it over carefully. This is not to say that the child should make a decision without properly weighing the facts. He should be quick to make a firm decision after all the facts have been gathered and weighed. To aid in the development of such decision making, the parent could present a problem to a child. This problem has to do with making a decision. Give him a set period of time to think about it an insist upon the decision by that time. For example, the parent should tell the child that he has five minutes to make up his mind. The next time the same problem is presented give him four minutes, then three, etc.

There are times in the life of every child when he must make a quick decision. Much will rest upon this. He should be trained to act almost by reflex, and he can if he has been properly prepared.

Not advocating rash and hasty decisions. But being simply desirous of combating extensive thinking and indecision when nothing can be accomplished. One should do his best and then be satisfied. If he has made a mistake, he has learned the knowledge that will help him next time. One should not waste time in regret but face the next decision. Certainly one should not undo in doubt what he has done in faith!

6. Do not oversympathize with the child. This teaches him to whine and seek sympathy. If he is going to be his own man, he must learn to face hardships, stand alone, and be willing to suffer without a martyr's complex.

One of the great mistakes made in rearing children is overprotection and oversympathy. People who have no obstacles to overcome and face no hardships are usually weak-willed. Just as muscles are made stronger by use the will is made stronger by use. Hence, early in the life of a child we must see to it that people do not carry on over him with excessive sympathy. To some parents this will seem hard-boiled and harsh. What they do not realize is that they are the ones who are hard-boiled and harsh, for they are training a child by habit to whine. Someday he will be unable to face his hardships alone. Hence, he will cast himself on society and become a liability rather than an asset.

Someone has said that a piece of iron in its rough state is worth about $5. After being made into a horse shoe it is worth about $12. When made into knife blades it is worth $1000. When made into balance springs for watches it is worth $250,000. What is the difference? The difference is that as this iron goes through certain processes and is heated, hammered, rolled, pressed, cut, polished, beaten, formed, etc., it is becoming more useful. The same is true with a child.

One of the great reasons for juvenile delinquency and youth socialistic groups, etc. is that the children are born with the proverbial silver spoon in their mouths. They never face hardship, never have to work hard, and consequently, are reared thinking they are owed a living. Even young eagles must fly, for the old eagles turn them out as soon as they are able to fly.

7. The child should be taught to make his own way. This does not take an extraordinary brain. School teachers often tell me that the most brilliant pupils often disappoint them. This is because they can do things easily. They do not have to learn to concentrate or to be diligent. They have to face no hardships. Hence, the child with mediocre ability reaches his goal with grit and determination. Because of this he develops the processes that make for greatness. Mental brilliance does not make for greatness. Perseverance, work, character, diligence, industry, and thrift are the causes that make on great. When these qualities have to be developed one can become great without mental brilliance, whereas the mentally brilliant will usually not develop these qualities.

8. When the child reaches the age of six or seven let him earn some money and spend it on his own. Perhaps he can work in the yard for an hour and make a quarter. Then send him by himself down to the corner store to spend it alone. He will learn two things: He will learn to be careful about spending his money, for he had to work an hour to get it. He will also learn to make decisions and to go somewhere on his own. If the store is several miles away, the wise parent will drive the child to within a block of the store, let him out, let him go alone to make his purchase and return to the car. He is learning that necessary fact of life that he must someday be on his own. He is being prepared for that day.

9. As soon as possible let him have his own bicycle and go places alone. Bear in mind we are trying to teach the child independence and self-reliance. Far too many parents put the child in the family car and take him anywhere he wants to go. How sad! Mom becomes a taxi driver for some spoiled, lazy children, and the Dad who does not want his son to go through the hardships he endured has taken from his son the very qualities that made him successful. The wise dad will want his son to endure some hardships, for hardships endured early will prevent greater hardships to be endured later, for the child will have learned to face life.

10. Give him some responsibilities of his own. As soon as possible throw him upon his own resources by giving him responsibilities. Give him a task to perform. Make him perform it to its completion. Do not correct it or finish it for him. He must realize that it is his task and that he must do it. He must know that if he does not do it, it will not be done!

11. Teach the child to repair thing that are broken. Give to the boy the responsibility of being the repairman around the house. Let him tinker and learn how to fix things. Let the girl mend and sew. Along the same line do not purchase for a child what he can make for himself. In another chapter we discussed the fact that a child should make his own toys if at all possible. When we were boys we made such things as scooters, go-carts, slingshots, etc. This is vital in the proper emotional development of a child.

12. Teach a boy to defend himself. The manly art of self-defense should be a part of every boy's development. Teach him to box. Teach him to shoot. Teach him self- defense. A man should have the idea that he can take care of himself, that he can protect those who are his own, and that he can be in charge of the situation. To some this sounds cocky. In a socialistic world it may be that confidence is mistaken for arrogance by those who are not self-reliant.

He also has the feeling that he can take care of himself. This is important for self-reliance.

13. A child should be taught to do one thing and do it well. He should have one aim, one direction. Point his energies in one pursuit. He should know where he is going and learn how to get there. He should direct his activities toward that one goal. It is tragic to see middle-aged men still trying to decide what they are going to be and do in their lives. Such often become professional students who later bounce from one job to another and are always going to be something great "tomorrow." A little boy was shooting a B-B gun up in the air when a man passing by asked him at what he was shooting. He replied, "The moon." The man laughed and said, "Why, you can't hit the moon with a B-B gun!" "No," said the boy, "but I'm a lot closer than you are." Goals are so important!

14. The child should be taught to look out for the needs of others. He should not think of his own desire, but the desire and needs of other people. The parent should point to those in need and teach the child compassion. He should instruct the child to do what he can to alleviate the suffering and satisfy the needs of society.

The leader must no dwell on himself. If he would be independent and self-reliant, he must think of others.

15. The parent should teach thrift. Of course, this will teach itself when the child has to work hard for his money; however, there is a certain philosophy to thrift. Thrift enables one to provide for himself when he otherwise would be unable to do so. The one who is not thrifty casts himself upon society and is unfair to his contemporaries. He say, "I will take care of myself now; you will take care of me later." The thrifty person say, "I will take care of myself now; I will also take care of myself later." There is nothing quite so sad as an old man who has made his own way and takes pride in it but at he end of his life is dependent upon someone else. This need not if the child is taught to be frugal when he is young.

16. As a child grows older he should spend less and less time with the parent; hence, he becomes less and less dependent upon the parent and more dependent upon himself. He is preparing himself for life and its inevitable decision. He should know of the parents' love and for that matter, maybe he should know why the parent is withdrawing some from him. When the child was very young he was being trained and habits were formed. When habits are formed every young person should have opportunity to practice what he has learned. Hence, the teen years can become sort of an internship, where with the supervision of the parent the young person does more and more on his own.

This does not mean the parent should not spend time with the teenager. He should spend tome with him, but perhaps they should be briefer periods of time. Activities should be done in which the parent does not obviously excel. There are things which the teenager can do as well or better than the parent. For example, maybe by this time the father and son or mother and daughter are of equal ability at playing ping-pong, bowling, or playing golf.

The warning here is for the parent to give the teenager a little bit of room in which to move, not overly sheltering or protecting him. Yes, the parent should have strict rules concerning morals, principles, punctuality, etc.

This means that though the parent will not be with the child as much, he does make himself available. He does not interfere with the teenager as long as the rules are being kept. He does not force a conversation on him about his problems at school. He simply makes himself available and lets the young person know that not only is he willing to talk, when and if he is needed, but he is also willing to listen. Much care should be taken here to avoid treating a teenager as if he were a child. The parent should realize he dare not spend too much time with him and that he dare not be overly protective.

Another point should be stressed. Far too many parents spend time with their children only to gratify the parents' desires. A get-together should always be at the discretion of the parent and for the good of the child. It should be administered like medicine, good food, etc. Just the right amount at just the right time should be the goal.

17. The parent should stress that no one owes anyone else a living. Yes, our government gives us the opportunity and freedom with which to make a living, but it does not owe us a living. No shiftless or lazy man is honest and so shiftless or lazy man can be independent. One should say, "I am a man! I can act, I can think, I can make my decisions. I will be my own man." This does not mean that one should avoid counsel. Far to the contrary, one should seek counsel and let wiser heads than his advise him. In the final analysis the decisions must be his if he is to become a man of decision.

18. The parent should not allow idleness. A child should be taught to avoid hanging around street corners and poolrooms or getting in the car and just idly driving around. Such habits go along with bad resorts: smoking cigarettes, drinking beer and whiskey, and just hanging around in general. Name me one independent man who was supported by his family while he was young, by his wife and family during the middle years, and by the state when he got old. There is none! How sad! Someone has said, "While the devil tempts all other men, idle men tempt the devil." Another has reminded us, "Even a bicycle falls when it stops."

19. As the child grows older he should be allowed to buy more and more of his personal belongings. Perhaps at about the age of ten he could buy his own socks. The parent should tell him what color. Let him decide what kind. When he is about eleven or twelve, with some supervision and instruction he could buy his own shoes. By the time a child is thirteen or fourteen he should be qualified to buy his own clothes. Again, it should be remembered there are boundaries as to style, color, size, etc.

It is almost humorous to go into a men's clothing store and see some little 5'2" mother leading a 6'4" teenage son into the men's department and treating him like he were a three- year-old. She later wonders why the son doesn't hold down a steady job and why he joins a hippie group and in general is a liability to society.

Conclusion: This may be the most important page in this series, and certainly apart from Scriptural discipline and spiritual training, it is. Yet, in a real sense, the aforementioned material is a part of spiritual training, for the Bible says that one who provides not for his own is worse than an infidel and that one who does not work should not eat. The Bible does say that each man should be taught to bear his own burden.

Independent, self-reliant, industrious, thrifty, and able adults are not an accident. They are a result of childhood training. This is why the best of us often come from backgrounds of poverty, hardship, and sometimes even tragedy. Let us not let the fact that our young people have not had such incidents prevent them from developing the character that is taught by experiencing them.

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The Childs Relationship With Others


Many years ago in the city of London, England, the Salvation Army was conducting its annual convention. General William Booth, the great founder of the Army, was in failing health, had bad eye sight, and was unable to attend the convention. Someone suggested that he send a message to be read at the opening of the convention in order to challenge the hearts of the delegates. This he did. The moderator rose to read the message and this is what he read. "Dear Delegates of the Salvation Army Convention: Others. Signed, General Booth." The successful life must be built around others, and the happy adult must as a child be taught to live for others.

Life has been called a series of relationships. The degree of one's happiness and success in life depends upon his properly relating himself with those of his society with whom he comes in contact. Barrie wrote, "Always be a little kinder than necessary."

Hence, the child should begin early in life adhering to the spirit of the golden rule which is basically expressing goodwill and friendliness to all. >From the President to the garbage collector, from the millionaire to the ditch digger, he should be taught to show good manners to all. One becomes a snob when he shows good manners only to those whom he thinks equal or superior to himself in position or wealth. He should be doing what he can to lighten the burdens of others and to make their lives more comfortable. It is interesting how many words include the word "other". Notice the words, "mother," "another," "brother," etc.

1. Parents. Since the child is to love his parents, that love will find vent in action. He should be taught to put their interests first, to put their pleasures and comforts before his own, to lift their burdens, to treat them with proper courtesy, and to show interest in them, their needs, and their lives. William Penn wrote, "If thou wouldst be obeyed as a father, be obedient as a son." "Rather the child cry than the mother sight," is an old saying.
It is sad but true that many parents who have not had formal training are thought to be ignorant or behind the times by their children. Often they are treated with contempt, shame, or at best, indifference. It is true that the parent may not know the latest scientific discoveries or much of history, geography, mathematics, etc., but he has learned from experience and longevity many things that the child must learn in a similar way. Hence, the parent is worthy of the child's respect, love, care, and help. The greatest of Americans have offered such help to their parents. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and others have led the way in such obedience and respect.
Children should help their parents. The girls can wash the dishes, clean the house, sew, sweep, dust, care for younger children, dress younger children, cook, etc. The boys can care for the shining of shoes, cleaning of the sidewalks, shoveling of the snow, mowing of the yard, taking care of pets, etc. All should be done punctually and in order. Children can run errands, help take care of the house, care for parents when they are ill, and in general, show their love and respect by attending to their needs.
Occasionally the parents should have a meeting with the children and discuss with them what they have done lately to help lighten the load of Mom and Dad. Honor should be given when honor is due and scolding is due.
There are many reasons why the child owes his parents respect and love. The main one is that he owes a debt to his parents. He owes them for their care for him, their sacrifice, their hard work, etc. The debt which the child owes is a huge one and if he is honest, he must pay it. He should be reminded constantly by his mother concerning the many hours of hard labor his father has put in for the care of the child and to provide for his needs. The mother should stress this contribution by the father and lead the child to realize the tremendous debt he owes. On the other hand, the father should constantly remind the children concerning the debt they owe their mother. They should be reminded of the house cleaning, the sewing, the mending, the travail in birth, the cooking, the washing, the ironing, and the many other contributions made to them by Mother.
There is another reason why parents are due love and respect and that is because they hold a high and noble office. The office of parenthood demands respect regardless of the person who fills it. Children should be taught to respect positions of honor such as president, governor, mayor, principal, pastor, and yes, parent. The parental position deserves the child's respect.
Another reason the child should love and respect his mother and father is that the parents represent God. Someone has said that they are His vicars on earth. The fact that a child is to respect God means that he should be taught to respect His earthly representatives.
Lastly, respect for the parents should be shown and given because of their experience. They may not have studied formally in school, but they have obtained even greater information in some cases a greater education in the school of experience and wisdom. They may not know the latest methods of pedagogy, but they have struggled, fought, labored sacrificed, worked, and yes, they have even lived longer, and respect should be given to seniority.
The parent who insists on this respect and requires that he is treated courteously and with preference is not being selfish. He is training a child in the way he should go.

2. Grandparents. Much stress should be given to proper treatment and respect of grandparents. It is easy to forget them. They are not as young and exciting as they once were. They may seem out of date. Their interests are not those of young people, yet they have made vital contributions to the lives of their grandchildren. The position that they hold warrants love, respect, and attention. They should receive letters, phone calls, gifts, and special attention from them.

3. Brothers and sisters. The relationship between brothers and sisters should be sweet. Much harm has been done by lightly and glibly speaking of how poorly brothers and sisters get along. This sin has promoted such behavior and it is certainly not necessary. Look at the brother relationship that existed between Andrew and Peter, Moses and Aaron, John and Charles Wesley, Dr. John Rice and Dr. Bill Rice, and other great people. Such relationships are begun early in life as children are taught to love each other. They should be taught to share, to avoid jealousy, to praise each other, and to rejoice when the other is praised. The older should provide watchful care over the younger. As more children come into the family the parents naturally have less time to spend with each of them. Consequently, the older children are given the opportunity of caring for the younger ones. This enables a close relationship to be developed between the children, but it also builds a partnership between older children and the parents. If such care is to be taken when they grow older, they must be taught and reminded from early childhood of the responsibility that will become theirs later. The wise parent teaches this to his first child, and if a larger family is planned, he teaches this to the first several children. He will be glad in his later years that he did.

4. The teacher. As children become old enough to go to school they must partially transfer their obedience and respect from home to school and from the parent to the teacher. Bear in mind that the child has been taught to respect authority in government and also the authority of the parents. As he approaches school he must stop to realize that in obeying his teacher he is obeying both the government and the parent. The government has chosen a teacher to be its representative and many of the duties the parent has been performing for the child, the teacher now performs. Hence, to be a good citizen and a good son or daughter requires the child to be an obedient pupil at school. Hence, he should be helpful, respectful, and obedient to the teacher even as he has been to his parents. The pupil should be kind and helpful. He should not be unruly or misbehave. He must be willing to be thoughtful of younger pupils and to share with his fellow classmates. He must set a good example for those under him. He must work hard, study hard, and do his best to make good grades. He must honor the position of the teacher and accept his leadership, discipline, and assignments. He must be prompt, honest, cooperative and helpful. He must treat his classmates as brothers and his schoolmates as members of a family. He must learn to live with them in the school community. He must be kind, unselfish, protective, and courteous as he fits into his new environment and his new life.

5. Society. Notice that the child's scope of fellowship is increasing. At first he learns the proper relationship and behavior toward his parents, then the entire family, and then his classmates. He is preparing himself to become a serving member of society and, of course, all of the rules of behavior that he has been taught as he relates himself to the aforementioned people must now be transferred to a larger circumference. He must now apply the golden rule to those outside his own home and school. Just as he has obeyed the laws at home and at school, now he obeys the laws in society. He realizes that he must now exercise goodwill to the community and he must keep its laws regardless of the inconvenience it brings to him. He must learn to help this larger family live at its best. Though the laws may hamper him, they are the best for the most. They protect the rights of others to enjoy life to its fullest. Hence, he should be taught to be courteous; to treat the aged properly; and to be patient, quiet, appropriate, inconspicuous, helpful, and discreet. He must not manifest rowdiness, a lack of etiquette, discourtesy, crowding, pushing, jostling, impatience, etc. A child should be taught fairness in games, putting others before himself. He should be taught not to argue or alibi. He should be taught how to behave in places of public entertainment. He must be taught to care for property such as seats, songbooks, furniture, and equipment that does not belong to him. He must be taught to respect the speed limit.

He should be warned against criticism, talebearing, and gossip. He must be taught to respect age and handicaps. He should be taught to say, "Yes, ma'am," "No, ma'am," "Yes, sir," "No, sir." He should be taught to dress appropriately. He should be warned against being loud and overbearing. He should be taught not to be too forward. He should be taught to be discreet and proper in his behavior toward the opposite sex. He should be taught public manners such as giving his seat to an older person. If he is a boy, he should give his seat to a lady or girl if there is none available for her. He should be taught courtesy to public servants such as policemen, firemen, trainmen, doormen, etc. He should be taught to dispose of garbage only in receptacles provided. He should be taught to be quiet, not rough or loud on streets or in public places. He should be taught not to stare at the unfortunate and their deformities. He must be taught to be helpful to strangers and to answer then courteously. He must be taught to help older people as they walk through dangerous places. He must be taught not to whisper, talk, or misbehave in public meetings. He must be taught not to loiter in public places or the hand around restaurants, drive-ins, etc. He must be taught to respect the rights of every man regardless of his color, race, or religion. He must be taught not to deface public property.

In other words, the child must be taught to be a good citizen. Boys should be trained to be gentlemen and girls should be taught to be ladies as the interact with society.

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The Child and Money


Man's responsibility to his child is not to leave him to live a life of idleness, but rather to equip him to live a life of service. Money is only a certificate that represents service. When a man performs a service he is to receive the appropriate amount of money. When a man has a service done for him, he should pay the proper amount of money representing the value of the service performed. Hence, basically money is simply "time." It represents the amount of time occupied by the service which earned it. No child can develop good character unless he has the proper attitude toward money. Several truths must be taught if this attitude is developed.

1. Money is not a means of happiness. A little child is often led to believe that happiness increases when wealth increases. This belief must be combatted, for it is exactly the opposite of the truth. Quite to the contrary, usually the happiness in man diminishes as his wealth increases. To a man who is very rich, no amount of increase can bring him more happiness. Just a few dollars a month increase in the salary of a poor man may bring him much enjoyment, whereas to a millionaire thousands of dollars added to his estate gives him little enjoyment. One who is going to acquire a lot can have more happiness by acquiring it gradually and by earning it himself. This way he enjoys each step of the trip to success whereas the one who suddenly accumulates much wealth jumps over many steps of enjoyment.

2. Money should be a servant, not a master. There are many perils involved in wealth. One of the greatest of these is the ease with which money can become one's master. Often it possesses the possessor. A little money one can control; it can be his servant. On the other hand, if one has much money, it often controls him and becomes his master. 3. The important thing in life is not how much one is worth but what one is doing. It is more important to serve than to increase. What has he done? What is he doing? These are the important questions. How much does he live for others? How much has he given to others? How much has he done for others? How much has he helped others?

Once a man asked John Bright, the English statesman, "Do you know that I am worth a million sterling?" whereupon Mr. Bright replied, "Yes I do, and I know that is all you are worth."

Themistocles said, "Rather a man without money than money without a man."

Marden said, "Be a millionaire of character instead of a millionaire of money."

4. The important thing in life is to serve, not to make money. Money is incidental. Service should be predominant. Most of the truly great men in history have not been men of wealth. Once the country of France voted to determine who was the greatest Frenchman who ever lived. Napoleon and others were bypassed and the French elected Pasteur as their greatest man. Of all the men who received votes not one was a millionaire. Great men such a Lincoln, Washington, Franklin, etc. cared nothing for what they got out of life, but rather for what they put into it and what they could do for others.
Many great people have turned down more money in order to do more service. Robert E. Lee refused the presidency of an insurance company and its big salary to become President of Washington College with a small salary. Spurgeon refused to come to America to lecture fifty times at $1000 a night. He did this because it would have taken him away from the work God had called him to do. Emerson set his income at a fixed amount and refused to accept anymore. The same has been done by other great men such as Chinese Gordon, Pitt, Wellington, Burbank, and others.

In the Koran we find these words: "When a man dies they who survive him ask what property he left behind. The angel bends over the dying man and asks what too deeds he has sent before him." These truths are pictured so beautifully in the words of Christ Who said, "I came not to be ministered unto, but to minister."

5. A child should be taught the dangers of betting and gambling. Show him that the injustice lies in obtaining something for nothing or obtaining money without giving in return an equal amount of service to others. This is the worst thing about gambling. No return is rendered. The prize comes from the pocket of the loser into the pocket of the winner and the loser gets no proper return, allowing the winner to receive that which he did not earn.
Of course, there are other wrongs in gambling, such as the fact that the owner of the establishment arranges it so he is sure to win. There is also the awful tragedy of poverty caused by money wasted and squandered through gambling. Millions of children have gone hungry and millions of families have gone without proper provisions because of this sin. 6. Much stress should be given to the fact that stealing any item is stealing money. Children should be taught that when one steals a book, a garment, a toy, or any other item he steals not only the amount of money equivalent to the value of the object, but he also steals the amount of time it would normally take to earn the corresponding amount of money.

The parent should think of as many instances and illustrations of this as he can; for example, the taking of a book, chalk, etc. at school; slipping into an entertainment without paying; taking money from his mother's drawer or his father's billfold, even if he plans to replace it etc. The parent should think of practically every possible way the child could steal or be dishonest and explain to him that he is stealing money and time from another.
The penalty or punishment inflicted for such offenses should follow the offense quickly. The punishment should never be omitted, should cause more discomfort than the stealing caused comfort, and should be consistent with previous punishment so the child will affix the crime to the penalty and have a definite connection between them. Much emphasis should be placed upon the fact that the sin is the stealing, not how much is stolen or what is stolen. An old saying reminds us, "He who steals a pin will surely steal a greater thing."

The child should be taught that he has been dishonest, for honesty is justice and respect for the rights of others.

7. The child should always be paid what the service is worth. Suppose Johnny mows the yard and it takes him thirty minutes. His dad pays him $5 for doing this task. Johnny's labor was not equal to the money he received. He received more money than the service he rendered. He is being taught an unbalanced sense of values, and he will always want to receive money in excess of the service rendered. The father thought he was doing Johnny a favor when in actuality he is doing Johnny a great harm. Such excessive payments are usually not prompted by Johnny anyway, but rather by the parent so as to gain favor with Johnny. Such favor is ill-gotten and exceedingly harmful. The child has a right to the money for the service rendered, but no more.

8. Excessive allowances to be spent on pleasure, etc., are dangerous. It is far better for the child to earn what he gets. If a child receives a stipulated amount each week from his parents, he should have regular, routine duties to perform in return for this amount. Now perhaps this allowance should not be spent on food, clothing, etc. when the child is very young. At that age his allowance should be minimal and he should be encouraged to save much of it. However, with proper guidance he should spend it as he chooses as is mentioned in the chapter on independence.

9. Children should be taught to tithe. The giving of at least 1/10 of one's increase should be taught to the child from his infancy. He should give at least 1/10 off every dime that comes into his possession and should from at the earliest possible age the habit of tithing.
What a thrill to be a co-laborer with God and a partner in His wonderful work. This should be the heritage of every child.

10. Every cent should be spent carefully, preferably on that which is permanent. A good rule is to spend it only on that which lasts. Candy, chewing gum, cigarettes, carbonated drinks, ice cream, picture shows, etc. shortly pass away and leave nothing in one's hands to show for his money. This is not to say that all of the above-mentioned are wrong; it is simply to say there are things that are more right. Of course, the child will not waste his money as frequently if he earns the money himself. This is why he should have to earn the money so he will spend it more wisely.

It is also wise for a child to be taught to spend the money for that which gives delight and help to the most people. Bryan wrote, "If thou joy would win, share it; happiness was born a twin." This is just another way to say we should use our money for others.

11. Children should be taught that they must provide for their parents when they are aged. This one fact marks one of the main differences between the uncivilized and civilized peoples of this world. When their aged are no longer able to be of service to the uncivilized family they are turned out to die. As civilization increases they are treated with more humanity until among the most civilized people care is provided for the aged.

12. The child should be taught to make his own way. This often presents a problem for the rich child or the child of the successful parent, and of course, there is always the temptation for this type of parent to lead the child to follow in his own footsteps. It would be far better for him to start at the bottom and work his way up. In most cases it is best for the child to enter another profession other than that of his successful parent. Bro. Jack Hyles in talking about his son said “In some cases this is not wise or practical. My son, for example, is going to be a preacher, but I have insisted that he make his own way. A few years ago he was asked to bring a message on a radio broadcast. This was his first sermon. Several folks who heard it told me that it was a good message and that he is a splendid preacher. One dear brother asked if I were going to let David preach for me now that he had preached his first sermon. I replied that I was not going to do so. He then asked, "How do you expect to make a preacher out of him if you don't let him preach?" I replied, "I am not trying to make a preacher out of him. I am trying to make a man out of him. If I can make a man of him, God can make a preacher of him." It is far easier to make a preacher out of a man than a man out of a preacher.

By all means a child should not be taught that the world is his. He should not be coddled in his infancy and allowed to lean upon others. The child that does this will not develop stamina. He is born with a silver spoon in his mouth and will become a weakling.
Someone has compared life to a gymnasium. One never becomes strong or develops strong muscles by looking at the weight, the parallel bars, etc. He must use them for himself.
Napoleon once said that he was concerned about the luxury of the young nobles. He went on to say that nobody could be successful in life without the habit of independence and suggested that even the wealthy be required to clean their own rooms, groom their own horses, and have their own hardships. It is tremendously important that every child earn his own way, make his own mark, be his own man or woman, and be responsible in a large measure for his own success.

The Lord Jesus said, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (Matthew 6:21) How true! If we would have the hearts of our children become right, we must have them use their treasure properly. Alexander Pope once said, "An honest man is the noblest work of God." Don Quixote said, "Either live or die with honor. The man without honor is worse than dead."

May God help us to lead our children to live and die with honor, honesty, and integrity. May they be taught to make their own way and not to become parasites on the government and society for support.

[benshelpmeet]

Yesterday was the end of the train up a child study... I hope it was a help and a blessing!


Have a nice day!