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Post by 7schmicks on May 12, 2008 20:29:01 GMT -5
Hey everyone, I haven't yet found any threads about this. We don't have any children that are currently ready to get married, but hope to some day in the future, now that our oldest is nearly graduated. Anyway, statistics show that the average cost for a wedding in the US is $27,000. I find this totally ridiculous!
Since marriage is a distinct illustration of the union of Christ and His bride, the church, my feeling is that Christian weddings should reflect this as much as possible.
The church, in the book of Revelation, is seen wearing white linen, so I like the idea of the bride wearing white. A friend of mine, who joined a Holdamen (spelling?) Mennonite church told me that their weddings are church affairs -- meaning that the whole church helps with the wedding preparations, preparing the meal, etc. I thought that this was a wonderful blessing for the family by easing some of the financial burden as well as the work.
Because I think of this subject on occasion and also have found that many weddings today are somewhat worldly and not-too-sacred, I thought I would like to see what ideas you all might have.
The whole courtship thing is another subject that I need explore, too. My experience with dating (even though, thankfully, I married the only one I ever dated) has me thinking that it is not the right way to go for a serious Christian, either. Sister Brenda
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Post by coveredinharmony on May 12, 2008 21:14:09 GMT -5
Hi, Brenda! I'm currently looking at getting ready to get married Jay has three more years of work to do before he receives his Master's Degree. Weddings are expensive! I'm already thinking (a little) about how to keep costs down. I'm probably going to wind up going to Utah for my dress (there are beautifully decent dresses there for around $500 or less) or buy it online (something I'm wary about because of my size). Jay already owns a tuxedo (as a music major it's required). When my sister was looking for prom dresses, we found an abundance of nice, modest dresses for under $200 for her (she's tiny! She will also probably be my only bridesmaid). My mother, an ex-baker, and I will probably make my wedding cake and cater the reception. I've already talked a lot about it with Jay, and basically, we've determined our goal is to have it simple, sweet, and over quickly so we can go on to actually being married The nerd I am, I've already got in mind what my dress will look like and what my veil will be like. I'll probably make my veil very similar to my current covering, only to my mid-back, and attach an oval mantilla to it (I actually have one already that I used to wear before I became convicted to wear a more plain, opaque covering). My biggest concern is the reception. I don't particularly want dancing, but I'm not sure how to avoid it. Any ideas? I dated a bit before I became saved, and that was a mess which thank the Lord will not happen again. Jay and I are dating I suppose you could say, but we entered into this with the purpose of marriage. Most of the time we're together, we're doing something: baking, reading, studying, helping clean someone's house, going to church, what have you. Lately it's been teaching me guitar and teaching him ASL I'm also a little unsure about how to deal with dating when my children get to that age...but seeing as that's a long time from now (given that I'm as yet unmarried! ) I'm sure the Lord will give me and Jay answers I'm definitely sure I've learned a few things even now though, especially about having a definite purpose for marriage from the beginning (not that it couldn't break off should things go wrong, but that the point is marriage and it's well though about and prayed out, and that there's a good match) and physical boundaries (something I'd never thought about much before a lot of conversations with Jay and with the Lord!). I'm quite curious what all of your opinions are on where physical boundaries are for dating couples. Jay and I hold hands and have brief hugs, but that's it (although occasionally we sit with his arm around my shoulder, though that's rare). Sorry for the huge response, but as a soon-to-be-married woman, it's exciting! Love in Christ, Chatty Sarah
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Post by SisterNancy on May 12, 2008 21:53:49 GMT -5
My son is getting married this august. He is in college. His fiance and him decided not to call it dating or courting. both have positive and negative drawbacks. I have seen couples who "courted" and when it turned out they were not as compatable as they thought and broke up it was hard. Just as a dating relationship is. anyway, my son and his fiance were friends for a long time. then they discussed committing to each other for the purpose of getting engaged in the future. then they got engaged. Now they are planning the wedding. So, I guess it is good to be friends first and get to know each other before the emotions get in the way.
as far as the actual wedding...she is wearing a white wedding gown she got on clearance, they are having the reception in the church hall so there will be no dancing or inappropriate music and the ladies at the church are making the food.
The focus is really on the church service which I like and did when dh and I got married.
however, even though they saved money there there are still expenses to think about, invitations and flowers and postage to send the invitiations and a photographer if you want pictures. Plus some churches require a fee etc.
but, it does not have to be a worldly multi-thousand dollar wedding to be enjoyable and nice.
sarah, I never thought to make the cake. I bet they could do that too.
personally I think the reception part of the wedding is over rated these days. For my sons wedding they do have to serve food. it is in another state and people will be traveling far and need to eat.
but, I have been to church weddings where they just had cake and coffee etc in the fellowship hall following the service and I think that is fine too.
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Post by George on May 13, 2008 12:27:55 GMT -5
I have done a lot of reading on Christian dating. The vast majority of Christian authors, pastors, evangelists and counselors will say that holding hands is reserved for married people. Since holding hands is reserved for married people then of course it follows that hugs and sitting with arms around one another is also reserved for married people.
There is an excellent book that is available on-line (although I cannot give you the exact web site, you would have to do a search for it,) by Pastor Jack Schaap that is titled, "Dating With a Purpose." It is full of information and advice on all aspects of dating.
One thing that ought not be done at any time is for either of you to be alone in the other's home with them. It is especially not wise for the woman to be alone in the man's home with him. This goes to the Bible verse about abstaining from all appearance of evil. Being alone in one another's home can cause folks to start talking. That can be disastrous when the rumors and gossip start. You must not give anyone any reason to even start such things.
Sitting with arms around one another or by either of you is very dangerous. God made woman to be attractive to man. Sitting that close with that much physical contact can lead to other things. Oh I know that the attitude is that you are Christian people and you would not do such as that but I am here to tell you that the works of the flesh when it comes to physical contact with someone you love can be overwhelming. As with almost any other thing, in the heat of the moment we often lose our conscious contact with God.
Among the more liberal denominations such contact is common. Of course these are the same denominations in which the women are quite often not wearing enough and make themselves up like painted dolls, wear tight trousers and such as that.
I urge you to be very, very cautious. Get some advice from your Pastor and read some books on the subject. There is very little in the Bible about the relationship between single men and women.
In Christ, George
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Post by SisterNancy on May 13, 2008 17:19:55 GMT -5
for the teens in my youth groups we had a six inch rule..there needed to be that much space between them. I never thought of applying that to engaged couples though.
I was going to say NO KISSING! that is my big thing. I see some Christian couples doing this and I think that should wait along with other things. I believe kissing can spark those emotions and desires you want to control.
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Post by SisterNancy on May 14, 2008 6:02:11 GMT -5
back to the my son's wedding I am praising God because I could not afford a new dress to wear to it. Monday I was able to purchase material to make an outfit to wear to it. It will be modest put pretty. My daughter is the sewer in our family and she will make it for me. Now all we need is the money for the hotel. I have asked her family to put us up in someones home or such thing but they can not do it. I am thinking of calling churches in the area and asking if we could stay in their fellowship hall or classroom or something what do you all think of that? Just wondering. It's in RI we live in PA.
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Post by Tammy on May 14, 2008 19:21:04 GMT -5
Ditto everything that Bro. George said!
Any kind of physical contact, even just holding hands, ignites a fire. Once that thrill dies down a bit, the tendency is to move on to the next "level". Please be very careful!
Lovingly, Sis Tammy
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kscarle
Member
Philippians 4:4, Romans 12:1, John 14:15
Posts: 97
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Post by kscarle on May 15, 2008 20:42:44 GMT -5
I went to a wedding Saturday and it was beautiful and simple. There were alot of guest and all went well. the groom is taking her to live in the mountains with him. That's not bad but she is so sweet a young lady I will miss her. There them was white with red roses. they threw bird seed instead of rice. About the reception. after the services, her pastor had everyone go to the fellowship area for snacks without music playing and there were some members that walked around and made others feel welcome.
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Post by Tammy on May 15, 2008 23:51:35 GMT -5
Our wedding was sweet and inexpensive! My dress was about $200, new. I wore my mom's veil, with a longer length added. My mom made the bridesmaids dresses from fabric we picked out together. The reception was decorated by a friend at church - it was her wedding gift to us, and she did it all up like a pro! Another lady made all the corsages, etc.
A friend of the family was just getting started with his photography business, and photographed our wedding for a very good price - don't remember how much. But with today's technology in cameras, you could probably ask any creative person you know to man the camera, and you will have some nice photos.
The cakes were made at a grocery store bakery - so much cheaper than a pricier bakery, and they looked beautiful. Besides the big tiered cake, we had some extras to make sure all the guests were served, and these had different flavored fillings like raspberry, lemon, strawberry, etc., which the bakery did not charge extra for. My family bought and prepared finger foods to go with the cake.
Oh, and our pastor did a neat thing for us. He had my brothers "kidnap" me at the reception, and then raised a "ransom" for me from the guests. Everyone enjoyed the entertainment, and the offering they raised was a real blessing for us.
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Post by SisterNancy on May 28, 2008 6:37:10 GMT -5
I have a praise!
well we didn't think we would be able to attend our sons wedding afterall. We have no money for the hotel, gas to get there etc.
someone gifted us our hotel room! PRAISE GOD!
now our prayer is for money for the gas to get there and protection on our car as it is old and we need to get to SC two weeks after the trip to RI.
thanks for your prayers in advance!
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Post by Tammy on May 28, 2008 23:50:15 GMT -5
Praise the Lord! That is wonderful, Sis Nancy!
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Post by 7schmicks on May 29, 2008 22:38:32 GMT -5
It has been fun reading everyone's wedding ideas. I'll tell you how we saved a lot of money on ours! Our wedding was actually very inexpensive.
I did waste money by buying an older dress from a rummage sale for about $30 that turned out to be too yellowed and in need of too much repair, so I ended up ditching it and wearing my mother's dress. My mother had saved money by buying a sale gown which was a mid-calf (did they call that Tea-length?) I wanted a long gown with a train, (which is why I had bought the other one,) so I bought lace and sheer netting to make it longer. It had rows and rows of ruffles, all the way down the skirt, so a dear neighbor actually came over and sewed some for me! It worked out somewhat, but if I had to do it over, I would have worn it just the way it was and used the money that I had spent on the fabrics to hire someone to take pictures. We decided to save money by trusting in family and friends to share any of the pictures they took at the wedding to make up an album. We ended up with very few pictures, and most of them not very good. My father-in-law forgot to put film in his camera, too!
My mother made our cake and some salads and things for the reception, which we had in our church's gym. I think a few family members volunteered a few other food items, as well.
My husband picked out and bought our printed napkins and invitations. They didn't match each other or anything else because they were close-out specials!
I made silk flowers from kits to make a circle of flowers for my hair, my bouquet, and a single long-stem rose with a ribbon for each bridesmaid.
All in all, our wedding was done quite inexpensively, but we got married all the same!
Sister Brenda
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