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Post by robertcolumbia on Apr 8, 2013 10:18:54 GMT -5
There is a lot of information on this forum about headship and submission from the sisters' perspective, covering (no pun intended) issues regarding what submission and headship mean, the covering as a sign of submission, when one must submit, and emotional and practical issues that may interfere.
I'm interested in hearing from some of the brothers regarding headship. How has the journey been for you? Have you strugged with "lording it over" versus being a servant leader? Do you think headship practices or attitudes have helped you and your family? How do you excercise leadership in your family? Does everyone mostly mind their own business and you only excercise headship authority if a decision can not be agreed upon, or do you proactively lead and love? How have you felt when your wife has strugged with issues of submission? Do you get exasperated or do you find it easy to be patient and wait? Have you strugged with feeling too incompetent or immature to lead? Did it cause problems? How have or are you handling it?
The more I have grown and explored the scriptures and guidance of pastors I have come to feel that nurturing, protecting, and lovingly guiding and leading a special someone is a basic desire and instinct <3 and that, done right, there is very little else in the world that is so wonderful. Done wrong, it is tremendously dangerous and damaging and can be the source of all sorts of suffering.
Sisters, feel free to post your thoughts or loving prods to your husbands or fathers, but I want this to be a place to really hear from the guys.
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Post by Brother Randy on Apr 8, 2013 11:09:33 GMT -5
I need to give this a little thought before making a reply. But one of the questions I often have is how many churches other then those in the plain circles even believe in let alone pratice headship?
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Post by Guadalupe on Apr 8, 2013 11:53:51 GMT -5
The more I have grown and explored the scriptures and guidance of pastors I have come to feel that nurturing, protecting, and lovingly guiding and leading a special someone is a basic desire and instinct <3 and that, done right, there is very little else in the world that is so wonderful. Done wrong, it is tremendously dangerous and damaging and can be the source of all sorts of suffering. From my husband: "This describes my feelings whenever I look upon my beloved wife. The Biblical admonishment to love her is always my first thought when I see her covering. It's also a tacit reminder of my duties and responsibilities toward God, her and my family. The covering reminds me to pursue Godliness as much as it reminds her. |
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Post by robertcolumbia on Apr 9, 2013 8:21:40 GMT -5
From my husband: "This describes my feelings whenever I look upon my beloved wife. The Biblical admonishment to love her is always my first thought when I see her covering. It's also a tacit reminder of my duties and responsibilities toward God, her and my family. The covering reminds me to pursue Godliness as much as it reminds her. This is so sweet! <3. I think too many men approach marriage with the attitude that "She is my wife and is obligated to give me X Y and Z". When she doesn't, anger stirs up and too often, this anger leads to abuse, divorce, or both. The Christian husband's approach starts with "She is my wife and I love her very much and I can see that she needs (protection, kind words, cuddles, leadership, new clothes, etc.)." Remember that Christian behavior stems from love, not duty (1 Cor 13). If it is not clear, nothing in my original post is about gaining submission gained through abuse. |
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Post by Guadalupe on Apr 9, 2013 16:33:36 GMT -5
This is so sweet! <3. I think too many men approach marriage with the attitude that "She is my wife and is obligated to give me X Y and Z". When she doesn't, anger stirs up and too often, this anger leads to abuse, divorce, or both. The Christian husband's approach starts with "She is my wife and I love her very much and I can see that she needs (protection, kind words, cuddles, leadership, new clothes, etc.)." Remember that Christian behavior stems from love, not duty (1 Cor 13). If it is not clear, nothing in my original post is about gaining submission gained through abuse. Again from my husband: "Your post evokes the most important reason that fathers must actually teach their sons how to be good husbands. This can be done only by a good example set by the father to reinforce his words. Faith in action as it were. Otherwise, the danger of abuse is always present and the abuse of power is of satan. We see this in the cults that have formed such as the Bullenites." |
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Post by mrjob on Apr 9, 2013 17:04:40 GMT -5
This is a great question: When I see the submission and respect that my wife shows me I am constantly reminded of the great responsibility that God has given me. The fact that He has placed my wife and daughters care in my hands is very humbling. With a respectful wife a man quickly sees any of his own behavior that is not loving and nurturing as a glaring stain that needs to be repented of. The need to be up on prayer and Bible study takes on an even greater importance.
I do sometimes struggle with wanting to be a better provider. I try to lead by example sometimes too much so. Instead of delegating when I should, I often do it my self but not out of bitterness. I like to cook and sometimes I take over in the kitchen without even noticing it. It could hurt my family it I don't let them learn on their own. Elena (my wife) said that she appreciates when I use thoughtful admonition from the Bible to guide her. She sees it as me caring about here spiritual well being, especially when I study something important to her.
My wife is well educated and talented in many ways. Homemaking is something she is learning to appreciate so I make it a point to do my part, and praise here for the things she does. A while back Elena decided to start wearing skirts and dresses full time because she knew I liked her best dressed that way. It is kind of strange but for me it was a great sign of respect and she has garnered my full attention. I told her that a man can get a great many things of no lasting value from other people but the respect he needs most can only comes from his wife.
As amazing as she is she is still human though and the flesh is weak. When I she her struggling I pray and I talk with her and give her some time before I broach the subject again. Knowing she has my attention and what God expects of her is usually all the motivation she needs.
Sometimes I do make firm decisions and they are respected but that is rare. There is wisdom in a multitude of council and our wives are one of our best assets and our biggest fans and fully vested in our success. We would be fools not to seek their council.
I have never felt incompetent to lead, even when I did dumb or selfish things but I didn't think it was that important. Wow, was I wrong. Part of the problem is that we have a tendency to think of leading as work and it is but it as you said is the thing that we were given by God to do and we will never find a more rewarding calling. But for a long time I was turning the spiritual upbringing of my family over to "professional preachers" who like hireling shepherds are not concerned about my sheep. Stepping up or manning up as some call it will bring blessings to your family that you never knew were possible.
James
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Post by robertcolumbia on Apr 11, 2013 8:05:03 GMT -5
And leadership and guidance isn't limited to cases where there exists formal authority or responsibility. I have a little sis in my extended family. She is formally a more distant relative and she has a father living (and is unmarried) and nobody would claim that I have a primary obligation to her. Her mother told me a year or so ago that her daughter had grown up so well thanks in part to the guidance of older boys/men such as myself.
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Post by Brother Ben on Apr 25, 2013 12:40:54 GMT -5
The example of Christ" "Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven" Matt. 5:19 "The former treatise have I made, O Theophilus, of all that Jesus began both to do and teach," Acts 1:1 When we see our responsibility to our wives, Jesus gave us the pattern to folow, ". . . do and teach. . . " (I do not say I have attained unto this.)  But this is where our heart is to be BEFORE we expect our wives to be where they are supposes to be in the headship order. Where is my commitment to discipleship? Am I denying myself? Am I taking up MY cross? Am I following him? How can she follow me, if I'm not committed to following him? |
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But this is where our heart is to be BEFORE we expect our wives to be where they are supposes to be in the headship order.